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7 Things to Know About Me as Your Counsellor
Read more on how I show up in sessions as a therapist, and what to expect when working together with me. I hope it resonates with you 🧡
1. A shared journey
I work collaboratively with my clients, believing we are co-travellers on your journey. You are the expert on your life and I strive to understand your experiences from your perspective with deep empathy. You deserve to have full autonomy in your counselling, and how you’d like these to be structured. I bring in my own experiences, perspectives, and insights to the counselling process, primarily practicing from these three approaches:
Psychodynamic counselling
Using a psychodynamic approach helps to get deeper into why some things may feel familiar to you, and work towards bringing these unconscious patterns to consciousness. This approach is less focused on the ‘problem’ and rather being curious about your ways of relating.
Feminist counselling
I practice from a feminist framework, working within a sociopolitical context. In sessions, I prioritise your voice and support you in creating awareness of how social and cultural contexts are contributing to our therapeutic relationship and the external circumstances of your life. I create a pathway towards healing and empowerment within a socially conscious counselling environment.
Creative arts therapy
Creative arts therapy recognises that not all emotions can be expressed verbally. This approach is focused on the connection of the mind and body and the felt sense of your experiences. It promotes self-awareness, self-expression, and personal growth. It is a process-focused approach where no previous musical or artistic skills are necessary.
2. Less about finding ‘solutions’ or ‘fixing’
You are not ‘broken’ and need to be ‘fixed’! Your emotions are a natural part of the human experience, even the painful ones. Our society today tends to be pathologising ‘mental health conditions’ that are focused on treating ‘symptoms’ rather than working out the root of the pain and suffering. Digging deeper and finding out insights about yourself can feel SO empowering!
3. Play as an integral part of connection
Play allows us to interact with others and ourselves in a more spontaneous, authentic, and less guarded way. It often involves the suspension of rigid social rules and expectations, giving way to deeper connections beyond language and cultural differences. Incorporating play allows more room for empathy, shared experiences, self-expression, and emotional regulation.
4. The counselling relationship in itself can be healing
Counselling can offer opportunities for corrective emotional experiences, where you can start to explore and experience healthy and supportive relationships that you may have been lacking in your past. This can help to heal old wounds and create new, healthier patterns of relating, which can be SO helpful towards creating a life for yourself that you deserve!
5. I care deeply for my clients
I care deeply about the well-being of my clients and feel a true desire to show up for you in a way that you need. If there is something I think you could benefit from, I always share these resources with you. I consider myself to be a warm, empathic, and genuine person and that’s how I aim to show up in sessions!
6. Bringing my personality to sessions
I don’t believe in ‘blank slates’ and I have found this unhelpful in my own therapy too. I am a human with so many things I have yet to figure out! My wish is to bring the same humanness to sessions by showing my personality, humour, and directness with compassion and sensitivity. I recognise that I too have my limitations, and I am always ready to admit when I don’t know something. I remain curious to work together towards an answer you need.
7. Living in a way that works for you!
Counselling can be so helpful in figuring out what it is that YOU need. In our daily lives, we can be so overstimulated by other people’s assumptions, opinions and observations. Counselling offers a quiet space from where you can turn towards your inner voice and find out what it has been telling you all along. It’s okay not to have the answers but it may be time to start listening to it, and creating a life that truly resonates with you.
I aim to keep advocating for counselling as I know how much value it has brought to me. My wish is to carry on sharing that with others. If this is something you are willing to give a go, then I look forward to connecting 🧡
How Can Incorporating Creativity Into Your Life Improve Your Mental Health?
In this post, I'll break down the meaning of creativity, its benefits, and how you can start being more creative in your everyday life without overwhelming yourself.
Many of us ignore creativity, like it's a task to be done or that it doesn't have any value if you're not good at it. We play as kids without thinking twice about it. It is what drives us and how we experience the world. Why do we keep losing it when we become adults? In this post, I'll break down the meaning of creativity, its benefits, and how you can start being more creative in your everyday life without overwhelming yourself. By being creative, you can improve your well-being and feelings of fulfilment.
What is creativity?
Creativity refers to the ability to open our minds and be open to change. It allows us to problem-solve, find new perspectives and ideas, communicate with others and help to see how we see ourselves. There is lots of information in that! As a society though, we have lost touch with creativity, where being more precise and fitting in with others has become the norm. That however, doesn't allow our minds to develop in new and innovative ways. Although some of us may be more naturally inclined towards creativity, it is also a skill that can be developed and nurtured over time through practice, training, and exposure to diverse experiences and perspectives.
Benefits of being creative
Creativity helps us to feel more alive and at ease with ourselves, letting us be exactly the way we want to. Some of the key advantages include:
1. Increased problem-solving ability
Creativity helps us to approach problems in unique and unconventional ways, leading to more effective and efficient solutions.
2. Enhanced mental health and well-being
Engaging in creative activities can be a powerful way to reduce stress, improve mood, and promote a sense of purpose and empowerment.
3. Improved communication skills
Creativity supports communicating your ideas and concepts from a new perspective. This in turn will help to express these ideas in new ways in your everyday communication and social skills.
4. Increased innovation and adaptability
Creativity helps us to be more adaptable to change and open to new ideas and experiences, facilitating innovation and growth in personal and professional contexts.
5. Greater sense of self-awareness and self-expression
Creativity allows us to express ourselves in unique and meaningful ways, which can help to develop a stronger sense of identity and purpose.
How can you start incorporating creativity into your life?
Below are some examples of how to start using creativity in your life. Be mindful, though, not to overwhelm yourself with all of them at once. Pick one to begin with and see how it feels. Start doing that once or a couple of times per week, in a way that feels good to you.
Journaling
This is probably the most common one, but many aspects of journalling exist. Julia Cameron, the author of ‘The Artist’s Way’ has suggested to start your day with morning pages, handwriting three pages of whatever comes to your mind. The content of this doesn't matter, we just want to get into the habit of doing so and to develop our creative minds.
Picking up an instrument
Start by picking up an instrument you have on hand by playing with different sounds, experimenting, and finding a melody or a beat. If you can't get your hands on an instrument, then don't worry. You can start experimenting with your voice and see how that sounds. Don't worry about the outcome. It is about experimenting with the sound and getting comfortable with it.
Art dates with loved ones
Organising an art date with your friends or family members can give you the motivation you need. Preparing art materials and taking time to sit with art-making and creating something. You may have a prompt ready where each of you will create a landscape by thinking about what is important to them. Or by drawing a circle in the middle and filling it with shapes or colours that are important to them. There are many possibilities, but connecting through art-making might take the pressure off and offer you a long-awaited quality time.
Writing a poem
You can start by considering a topic you want to write about. It could be a feeling that you've had for a while. Write that down and start mind-mapping lyrics that associate with that word. Don't worry about whether these rhyme or not, you can focus on that later. Enjoy the process of it and see what comes from it.
Movement
Listening to your favourite music and moving to it without any judgement. You can start doing that on your own or with friends, whatever feels comfortable. Notice what is happening in your body. Any tension in certain areas or tightness. Some parts may feel more relaxed than others. Pay attention to it and be curious about the sensations but let them be just as they are without trying to get rid of them.
Small steps towards creativity
Incorporating creativity into your life can be a powerful tool for improving your mental health and well-being. Whether through art, writing, music, or other forms of creative expression, taking the time to nurture your creative side can significantly benefit your mental health. It is a valuable and important trait that can benefit individuals and society as a whole.
If you want to start exploring your creativity with me in a therapeutic space, contact me below. I look forward to hearing from you!
How to Overcome Self-Doubt I 6 Steps to Find Your Confidence
Here is a list of six steps that can support you in overcoming self-doubt and boost your confidence.
Self-doubt may be standing in your way of personal growth and success. It can be holding you back, and I am no stranger to feeling this way. For me, personal therapy has helped hugely in overcoming my fears and doubts about my abilities. Therefore, I have compiled a list of six steps on how to overcome self-doubt that have helped me find self-confidence (which is still an ongoing process of learning with its highs and lows). I hope that these can support you and act as a starting point in the process of overcoming self-doubt, even if just a little bit.
What is self-doubt?
Self-doubt is defined as a lack of confidence in one’s skills and abilities which can lead to feelings of incompetence, worthlessness, and unlovability, as well as difficulties in making decisions. It can further be intertwined with a fear of failure, judgement from others, fear of making mistakes.
This may interfere with your personal or professional relationships, and create a block in pursuing and achieving academic and professional goals. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
How to overcome self-doubt
In this article we’ll cover how to overcome self-doubt and feel more confident in yourself. We’ll cover topics such as developing self-awareness, challenging your negative thoughts, setting manageable goals, finding positive support and taking action. However, it is important to be mindful that this process isn’t easy, so be kind to yourself when going through these. Let’s look at the six steps below.
Step 1: Recognising and acknowledging your self-doubt
Awareness creates opening. Taking the time to reflect on your thoughts and feelings, and being mindful when self-doubt starts to creep in. Acknowledge, that it’s so common to have these thoughts and feelings and that you are not alone in feeling this way, that self-doubt is part of a human experience. By beginning to recognise these feelings, you can start taking back control, managing your thoughts and feelings in a more positive way.
Step 2: Challenge your negative beliefs
Self-doubt stems from negative beliefs about yourself and your abilities. This may be related to your childhood and the false beliefs that others and perhaps yourself have been telling yourself. However, overcoming self-doubt does not mean removing these negative beliefs but rather recognising their presence. Take a pause and start to question whether these thoughts and beliefs are true or not. It is about finding more appropriate ways to support yourself, focusing on our strengths that you may have been looking past, recognising your achievements and reflecting on your achievements.
Step 3: Set realistic goals and celebrate progress
Having goals that are too big may make you feel overwhelmed and like you’re never going to get there (if that’s even possible). Breaking down your goals into smaller, more manageable tasks is an effective way to address self-doubt. You can begin by writing these down and making a visual schedule for yourself. This will help you recognise your capabilities and the progress you’ve made, boosting your confidence and diminishing your self-doubt. Do what works for you and what makes you feel good. Give yourself credit!
Arula Counselling integrates creative, psychodynamic, mindfulness and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) approaches with a focus on neurodiversity-affirming and trauma-informed care.
Step 4: Surround yourself with positive influences
Our support network is of huge value on how to overcome self-doubt. To be able to lean onto the people that we trust and feel comfortable with will help you overcome self-doubt and give you strength as you’re moving through these challenges. Engage in conversations with people who believe in your abilities and can provide a strong support system. Furthermore, engaging in activities that make you feel good, whether it’s connecting with your interests, educating yourself on new topics or taking up a new hobby, can all be great ways to boost your confidence and inspire you to reach for your goals.
Step 5: Take action and embrace failure as a learning opportunity
It can be scary to move through your fear. It might be (and probably is) the very last thing you’re interested in doing. However, with appropriate support and encouragement, it is possible. It is about accepting that failure is a natural part of the human experience, and you are not alone in facing it. Acknowledging that stepping through failure helps to build confidence, and act as an opportunity for growth. Mistakes will be a part of that, and that’s okay. Here is an article on resilience.
Step 6: Self-compassion
Most importantly, be kind to yourself through this process of uncovering the thought patterns and ways of being that have been with you for such a long time. Be patient and avoid rushing the process, showing yourself compassion. Allow yourself to experience and acknowledge the emotions that arise, giving them space. This can be either with your loved ones, with people you trust or by finding external support. Finding support is a sign of strength. You deserve to feel good.
How to overcome self-doubt with music therapy?
Music gives a form to our inner feelings that we might be struggling with to express verbally. Bruscia (1989) has indicated that in music therapy, musical experiences are used to restore, maintain and support the wellbeing of the client and to support you in helping to find resources and tools to resolve any difficulties that you may be dealing with and increase your potential for mental wellbeing. Furthermore, Boxill (1985) has expressed that in music therapy, creating musical experiences with the client can help restore, maintain and improve your psychological, mental and physiological health.
Research shows that self-selected relaxation music can significantly reduce anxiety and bring the client into a more relaxed state, lowering the levels of stress and anxiety.
Because music is a means of non-verbal expression, it can create a supportive environment of play where tension is released, reducing stress and giving way to self-expression regardless of one’s skills and abilities.
Music therapy goals are designed to provide emotional support, decrease stress and anxiety, increase self-esteem and self-confidence, and provide a medium for creative self-expression, providing the client with an opportunity for control and independence.
Conclusion
This article has covered six steps on strategies on how to overcome self-doubt and boost confidence. Self-doubt is a common challenge that many people face, but it does not have to define who you are. By following and keeping in mind the steps, it is possible to overcome self-doubt and find peace and confidence in yourself. Throughout your process, remember that it takes courage, commitment and self-compassion to work through your challenges but that there is potential to discover your full potential and achieve success in your life.
If you feel like you’re ready to dive deeper then I look forward to hearing from you.
References
Braslow, M. D. et al. (2012) ‘Self Doubt’ in Social and Personality Psychology Compass 6/6: 470–482, 10.1111/j.1751-9004.2012.0044.
Bruscia, K. E. (1989) ‘Defining Music Therapy’. Philadelphia. PA: Barcelona Publishers.
Cohen, R. L. (1999) ‘The effect of music therapy on the reduction of anxiety for myocardial infarction patients. Unpublished Master’s Thesis, Clarkson College.
Ming, S. WU (2002) ‘Effects of Music Therapy on Anxiety, Depression and Self-Esteem of Undergraduates’. In Psychologia, 45. pp. 104-114.
How to Find the Right Therapist?
How do you know which therapist is right for me? Let's explore some of the things to consider when looking for the right therapist.
I have recently got many questions about how to find the right therapist, from friends to family members to clients. I have had these questions myself and have gone through the process several times. And it’s not easy. I have even felt like I’m online dating when trying to find a therapist - how can I possibly decide? What about the different approaches? Gestalt, integrative psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, counselling, music therapy? What do all these even mean? To help you find a therapist in Berlin, I have put together a list of five things to consider.
Consider your goals for therapy
What are you looking to get from therapy? Are you struggling with a specific situation, looking to improve your well-being, or want to get to know yourself better? Often, we might want to get ‘well’ quick and opt for the short-term option. And it is scary to start therapy. However, finding the right therapist will take time if you are willing to work on yourself. It would be helpful to bring this up with your potential therapist and discuss what might or might not work for you.
Take time to find the right therapist
It is essential to take your time when finding the right therapist. You don’t have to settle for the first one you meet. It may be helpful to prepare some questions to determine whether a therapist is a right fit for you. You may try out a couple of different therapists. Think of them as job interviews where you can decide who you want to work with.
Arula Counselling integrates creative, psychodynamic, mindfulness and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) approaches with a focus on neuro-affirming and trauma-informed care.
Feeling comfortable during your therapy session
Feeling comfortable in a session is important. How do you feel when you are with your therapist? Be aware of your feelings. Do you feel a sense of ease? Are you uncomfortable and anxious? Notice what comes up for you, but be aware that feeling uncomfortable is an inevitable part of therapy, and it is normal to feel that way.
Building a connection with your therapist
Building a good connection is an essential part of therapy. If you settle for a therapist you don’t like, the treatment may not be as valuable as it could’ve been. Do you feel safe and listened to? Is it a non-judgmental space where you can be open?
Finding the right type of therapy
Every therapist is different. We all come with different experiences and different ways we relate to clients. We are human after all. A good therapist will be willing to discuss with you if the therapy is not the right fit, and if some other types of therapy may be better for you. You may even discuss whether you would benefit from a different approach. Talk to your therapist about it - they may be able to refer you to someone else and have connections. Be open to discussion. I encourage you to communicate your feelings to your therapist as soon as possible, as it leads to deeper exploration and a better healing journey.
How can therapy help me?
Once you find a therapist that feels right for you, you can start working on creating trust. They will be there for you to hear you out, model healthy boundaries, and encourage talking about topics that you haven’t been able to talk about before. You can start getting to know yourself. The therapist will be the mirror and a reflection of yourself. However, the process will not be easy, and there may be times you don’t want to go to therapy. You may feel like stopping altogether. It takes courage to reach out for support and keep going.
I offer online and in-person counselling and music therapy in English and Estonian in Berlin. I look forward to connecting with you.
Healing Relationships in Psychodynamic Music Therapy
What is psychodynamic therapy? How is music used in the therapy process? This article will answer these questions and talk more about the therapy process with an illustrative case study.
You may be thinking, what is psychodynamic music therapy and what does it have to do with your relationships?
Perhaps you’re struggling with building meaningful connections with others, and yourself. You may be going through a breakup, have challenging relationships with your loved ones or struggling to make and keep friends. In psychodynamic music therapy, relationships are at the core of the therapeutic work.
When you think about it, music is already an innate part of our development. It is a part of being human from the moment of being in our mother’s womb, the close heartbeat that offers comfort and safety. From these early emotional bonds that are formed in early childhood, the relational patterns will continue to affect your relationships in later life in friendships and intimate connections.
And so in music therapy, these attachment patterns can start to be worked through in verbal and non-verbal expression, modelling early connections through language, body language, and music. It is about being present with another human being from where the therapeutic relationship and trust can start to be formed.
In this article, we’ll explore further how psychodynamic music therapy can support your relationships, diving deeper about the importance of attachment and attunement, the music in the therapy space, and how you can benefit from it. I’ll also illustrate the work with a short case study to give more of an overview of the process of psychodynamic music therapy.
1. What is psychodynamic music therapy?
Psychodynamic music therapy is a form of psychotherapy that relies on psychoanalytic and psychodynamic principles. The focus of the work is on exploring your past experiences to understand your current behaviours and patterns by bringing conscious and unconscious thoughts and feelings to your awareness.
The emphasis then is on supporting your emotions and feelings in a safe space through verbal and non-verbal expression. It is about exploring your inner world where the central part of the work is the relationship between your therapist.
Musical experiences can be used in the process, creating a third element in the space to achieve your goals for therapy such as supporting your relationships, learning self-compassion and emotion regulation. Let’s dive deeper into some of these complex ideas below.
2. How can psychodynamic music therapy music therapy support your relationships?
As with any therapeutic encounter, the core of psychodynamic music therapy is the relationship between you and your therapist. This will take some time to build, and it is important not to rush the process of creating this intimate bond. Be patient with yourself, share your thoughts and feelings with your therapist and the work will unfold from there. This delicate process will gradually deepen the therapeutic relationship. t It is about forming a secure bond between you and your therapist where you feel seen and heard, and where the healing starts to happen. Through this work, you may start to feel safe enough to create more fulfilling relationships outside of the therapy space too, leading to meaningful connections, higher self-confidence and mental well-being. But what exactly happens in a therapeutic relationship?
Transference-countertransference
Transference is a process in psychodynamic music therapy where your unconscious thoughts, feelings and dynamics from your past relationships are projected onto the therapist. In contrast, countertransference is the same process in reverse which helps your therapist to gain a deeper understanding of your experiences.These unconscious feelings can then be worked through with your therapist, giving you a deeper insight into your relational patterns and interpersonal dynamics, fostering greater self-awareness and emotional growth.
Attachment
Attachment theory focuses on the emotional bond between humans, starting from our very earliest connections to our caregivers. The attachment theorist John Bowlby has stated that attachment is pre-verbal, developing during the first 6 months of our lives. In therapy, this can be worked through with your therapist, forming a solid bond to break through unhealthy habits of relating. Because attachment is pre-verbal, this is especially delicate.
Attunement
Attunement is a concept developed by psychoanalyst Daniel Stern in 1985. It is the relational way of recognising and responding to another person’s internal experience which is deeply connected to an emotional attachment, mentioned above. It is a non-verbal process of being with another person by which we learn to form close relationships. Through the vulnerability and delicacy of music, in psychodynamic music therapy, music can be used as a safer way to start noticing how we relate to another human being.
Arula Counselling integrates creative, psychodynamic, mindfulness and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) approaches with a focus on neurodiversity-affirming and trauma-informed care.
3. Exploring attachment and attunement in music therapy
By using music playing in the session, we can re-create an attachment bond in music by attuning to the sound of the voice, call-and-response, body language, and movement. Attunement is the primary vehicle for parents to communicate love and safety to small children. The supportive caregiver, be it in childhood or in later relationships is the basis of being seen in the world, taking up space, engaging in relationships, to feel safe. However, in one way or the other, there will be disruptions of attunement in our lives which can be supported and/or repaired to close relationships with loved ones, strong support networks, mentors or therapists. Either way, healing needs people.
Case study
I was working with Marie (name changed) in psychodynamic music therapy, a 28 year-old woman working in the music industry. She sought out psychodynamic music therapy sessions due to her relational difficulties despite having found success in her professional life. She tended to keep people at a safe enough distance from her, avoiding emotional intimacy.
In our initial sessions, the focus was on creating a safe space and a trusting relationship where Marie could start to explore the patterns of relating. Through the shared music playing, music listening and open ended conversations, it became clear that the difficulties came from the lack of early attachment needs which left her feeling disconnected from her peers, afraid of commitment and forming secure bonds. Marie had learned to rely solely on herself due to lack of emotional expression in the family and a subsequent divorce.
As the therapy progressed, Marie was able to open up about her intense need for longing connection but not being able to ask for her needs to be met as this wasn’t modelled to her in her childhood. The music served as a medium to process these early attachment wounds in a non-verbal way. Gradually, her self-expression grew louder and more confident in the music as well as in our conversations.
Through guided use of music and open conversations, I was able to create a safe enough space for Marie to start opening up about her emotional guardedness. She was able to start bringing more of the songs that she adored to the therapy space, experimenting with new ways of relating, self-expression and vulnerability. Over time, Marie started to share her courageousness of vulnerability outside of the therapy sessions, the growing ability to trust others and opening herself up to the possibility of fulfilling relationships.
By the end of our work together, Marie shared a renewed sense of hope and deeper understanding of her attachment patterns. The psychodynamic music therapy process had given her a space to create trust in herself and others, developing more adaptive ways of relating to herself and others outside of the therapy space too. It allowed her to reconnect with her passion for music, using it as a powerful tool for self-expression and personal growth.
4. The music in psychodynamic therapy
Music creates connection where words fail. Through music and reflection, we can start to explore your inner processes, thereby increasing self-awareness and awareness of others. In psychodynamic music therapy, no previous musical skill or knowledge is required to participate in sessions. Creating music is therefore based on self-expression where the therapist supports the process with you. This creates vulnerability and connection, allowing us to communicate without words. This has unique therapeutic potential for working through dysfunctional relationship difficulties originating from early childhood where the focus is on non-verbal communication.
What does your favourite piece of music say about your attachment style?
Research shows that the types of music we listen to can give us an insight about our attachment styles. This applies to songs that speak about relationships. Think about your favourite song, or a song that you’ve been currently listening to:
What is the meaning of the song?
What do the lyrics say?
Does the message relate to your current inner experiences?
What is the subjective experience of the song?
What could this say about your attachment style?
5. Who can benefit from psychodynamic music therapy?
Psychodynamic music therapy can support people with a range of mental health difficulties such as:
Relationships
Depression
Stress
Self-esteem
Anxiety
Trauma
LGBTQ+
ADHD and autism
Some of the goals for psychodynamic music therapy may be:
Raise your self-confidence;
Support self-expression;
Support developing meaningful relationships.
Your therapist is there with you to offer you a safe space from where you can start to explore your emotions and feelings together. Additionally, music acts as a bridge between the conscious and unconscious self, giving meaning and expression to your experiences, thoughts and feelings. Since, not everything needs to be or can be expressed in words.
6. Conclusion
Psychodynamic music therapy is a powerful therapeutic modality that focuses on your internal experiences to gain deeper understanding of your experiences and relationships.
This process can be challenging and uncomfortable at times as it encourages you to dive deeper into your emotions, thoughts and patterns. At one point, you may even feel like quitting, but something in you is not willing to give up just yet. By committing to the process, showing up for yourself session after session and allowing you to engage with it, you may find that it becomes easier to navigate the uncomfortable moments. The outcome can be so rewarding, witnessing your own healing, strength and growth throughout the process. Let yourself experience that pain that leads you towards a more integrated self, improved self-confidence and more meaningful interpersonal connections.
It is important to note that psychodynamic music therapy sessions are conducted by a trained music therapist who has a deep understanding of both music and psychological principles. Therefore, please consider this when looking for a therapist. Read more about how to start therapy and what to talk about therapy.
I am an English-speaking counsellor and a qualified music therapist in Berlin. I am available for in-person sessions in Mitte, Berlin. I also offer online sessions on request.
For any questions or enquiries contact me on the link below, or email me at arulacounselling@proton.me. I look forward to connecting with you.
Disclaimer: This article is for educational purposes only and does not substitute a therapeutic relationship with a mental health professional. If you are in a mental health crisis, please call 112 or your country's crisis line, where professional mental health workers can help you. Here are some additional resources.
References
Alaei, R., Rule, N. O., & MacDonald, G. (2021). Individuals' favorite songs' lyrics reflect their attachment style. Journal of Research in Personality, 93, 104110. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2021.104110
Kim, J. (2016). Psychodynamic music therapy. Voices: A World Forum for Music Therapy, 16(2). https://doi.org/10.15845/voices.v16i2.2312
McCarthy, G., & Maughan, B. (2010). Negative childhood experiences and adult love relationships: The role of internal working models of attachment. Attachment & Human Development, 12(5), 445–461. https://doi-1org-14cssccv7011b.erf.sbb.spk-berlin.de/10.1080/14616734.2010.501968
Petrowski, K., Berth, H., Beiling, P., Renner, V., & Probst, T. (2021). Patient's and the Therapist's Attachment Representations, Attachment to Therapists, and Self-Esteem-Change Through Psychotherapy. Frontiers in Psychology, 12. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.711296
Hidden Struggles: Exploring the Impact of Autism and Depression in Adult Mental Health
In this blog post, we will explore the unique challenges faced by adults with dual diagnoses of autism and depression and the importance of understanding, support, and music therapy in your journey.
As we delve into the complexities of mental health, it is important that we talk about the hidden struggles that often go unnoticed. Autism and depression are two conditions that can profoundly impact your daily life, especially when experienced together. In this blog post, we will explore the unique challenges faced by adults with dual diagnoses of autism and depression, explore the concept of autistic burnout, and the importance of understanding and support in your journey.
Understanding Autism and Depression
Autism Spectrum Condition (ASC) is a neurodevelopmental condition characterised by difficulties in social interaction, communication, and 'stimming’. Depression, however, is a mood disorder that affects an individual’s overall well-being, causing persistent sadness, loss of interest, and difficulties in managing daily activities. When these conditions coexist, they can create a complex and nuanced mental health landscape.
What is Autistic Burnout?
Depression and autistic burnout are distinct mental health experiences that share common symptoms and challenges. Depression is characterised by sadness and loss of interest, while autistic burnout is specific to those on the spectrum, caused by overwhelming environments and stress. The key difference lies in origins and triggers: depression has varied causes, while autistic burnout is linked to how individuals with autism process information. Recognising these differences is important for effective support and therapy.
The Impact on Mental Health
The impact of autism and depression on mental health cannot be underestimated. Adults with autism often face challenges in social situations, which can lead to feelings of isolation, low self-esteem, and difficulties in relationships. The presence of depression expands these struggles, intensifying feelings of hopelessness and despair. The constant effort to navigate social cues and communication can become overwhelming, contributing to increased vulnerability to mental health issues.
Hidden Struggles and Masking
For adults with autism and depression, the ability to mask your struggles becomes a survival mechanism. You may have developed coping mechanisms to hide your difficulties, masking your true needs, emotions, and internal struggles. This constant masking can be mentally exhausting and takes a toll on an already fragile mental health. It also decreases the likelihood of others recognising your challenges and offering you the necessary support.
The Power of Music Therapy
In the face of these hidden struggles, music therapy emerges as a powerful and effective tool for adults with autism and depression. Music therapy provides a safe and nonjudgmental space where you can express yourself, communicate, and connect with others. Through music, therapists can facilitate emotional expression, reduce anxiety and stress, and support you in developing coping strategies that work for you.
Research has shown that music therapy interventions can improve social interaction skills, enhance self-expression, and boost mood in individuals with autism and depression. Playing instruments, engaging in songwriting, and participating in therapeutic improvisation can foster a sense of empowerment and autonomy. The rhythmic and melodic characteristics of music also stimulate neural networks, enhancing cognitive and emotional processing.
Building a Supportive Community
Creating a supportive community is crucial in addressing the hidden struggles faced by adults with autism and depression. By fostering understanding, empathy, and acceptance, we can break down the barriers that prevent you from seeking help and feeling understood. Educating ourselves about autism and depression, promoting mental health awareness, and creating inclusive spaces are tangible actions that can make a difference.
Conclusion
The intertwining of autism and depression presents unique challenges for adults striving to maintain their mental health. Recognising and addressing these hidden struggles is crucial. Music therapy offers an invaluable avenue for self-expression, emotional release, and personal growth. By embracing the power of music and fostering a support community, we can work together to empower and uplift adults with autism and depression, ensuring you feel seen, heard, and understood in your journey towards mental well-being.
If you’re interested in exploring this further, please contact me here or via the button below. I look forward to hearing from you!
Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes only. If you are suffering from severe trauma, live in an abusive household or are in danger, call 112 or your country's crisis line, where professional mental health workers can offer you appropriate support.
How Many Therapy Sessions Do I Need?
This article explores the reasons you may come to therapy, the therapy process and the road to recovery.
This article explores why you may come to treatment, the therapy process and the road to recovery. We discuss what to think about when considering the number of therapy sessions you’d need. Let’s dive in.
What brings you to therapy?
Think about what brings you to therapy and what you need help with. During an initial consultation call, a therapist offers you a safe and non-judgmental space to explore what led you to contact them in the first place. The therapist will help you gain clarity and think about the support you may need. Think about:
is it a specific issue you would like to solve?
has there been something on your mind for a while, and you feel like you need to talk to someone?
Whatever it is, being open with your therapist during the consultation call can help you find the direction you need. Equally, the therapist helps to think about whether you need short-term (6-12 sessions) or long-term therapy. Usually, the first four sessions help determine whether you’d be a match and whether a particular type of therapy fits your needs.
The road to recovery
Therapy is not a linear process. It can be up and down, back and forth. You can feel energised and like you’ve made a lot of progress on some days. On others, you may be feeling anxious and overwhelmed, a sense of having lost direction. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you have fallen behind on your progress or that the steps you have taken are suddenly lost. You don’t need to fix your emotions. Instead, it’s about feeling them and letting go of them. It is part of the process. What matters is that you show up to the sessions and you show up for yourself. You don’t need to have it all figured out. We can figure it out together.
Setting goals for therapy
With your therapist, you can set goals for therapy and assess these throughout the process. You may have come to treatment with one particular issue or question. However, during the process, it may be that something else has come up that you’d need to process and dive deeper. However, having goals in mind can help you keep track of your process. You can always come back to them and reflect on these during the sessions, where necessary.
Checking in with your therapist
Your goals can change throughout the therapy process. If you feel like you have accomplished your initial goals or lack direction, check in with your therapist. It is a collaborative partnership, and your therapist is open to feedback. We are human, too, and we don’t always know whether what we focus on in the session is your most pressing issue. Giving feedback is important, helps to track progress, and strengthens the relationship between you two.
How do I know I’ve made progress?
We will inevitably face life problems, but we don’t suffer because of them. We suffer when we get stuck on the same problem repeatedly. Here are some of the ways progress can show up:
improvement in your relationships
a change in your thought patterns
change in dealing with challenges
being more open in communication
practising self-compassion
saying no
taking time for yourself
nourishing your body
scheduling in exercise
asking for help
Ending therapy
You and your therapist may talk about ending therapy when you both feel like sufficient growth has happened. You feel more content in your daily life and can manage difficulties better. You can apply what you’ve learnt in therapy to life outside the sessions. You can then set an end date and work towards it together. You can also start seeing your therapist fortnightly to reduce the support you need and eventually end therapy.
However, ending therapy doesn’t mean that you can’t contact your therapist again. We will always be happy to offer you check-in sessions if you feel in need. Equally, it doesn’t mean that you haven’t grown, but it is about giving and allowing space and time for yourself and check-in in with yourself from time to time.
How many therapy sessions do I need?
Therefore, the length of therapy depends on many factors. It is about the process rather than finding a quick fix or solution to your problem, understanding yourself and giving yourself time to look deeper.
I am an English-speaking therapist in Berlin, offering online and in-person counselling. Contact me to schedule a consultation call if you are considering starting therapy. If you have more questions about treatment and the length of therapy, I look forward to hearing from you.
Please note: This is for educational purposes only and is not to substitute a therapeutic relationship with a mental health professional. If you are in a mental health crisis, please call 112 or your country's crisis line, where professional mental health workers can help you.
The Artist's Frame: Let’s Talk about Boundaries
Let’s discuss how to start setting boundaries and define what the word itself actually means.
Boundaries are important for healthy communication and relationships with yourself and others. It is about not carrying others' emotions for them and getting clear on your needs. We can think about boundaries as an artist's frame where we can control only what's on the inside of the frame and how we communicate that to others. Everything else remains outside of us and our control. Before we get into how to start setting boundaries, let's define the word 'boundaries'.
What are boundaries?
Boundaries can either be physical or interpersonal. These can look different for everybody, depending on culture, the relationships we are involved in, and social context. What is comfortable and natural in one culture doesn't necessarily translate into another. Equally, some people are naturally more comfortable hugging, whereas others may need more space. It is also necessary to consider the social context. Boundaries in relationships with our partners or families may look different from professional ones. Therefore, boundaries are flexible and fluid and can look different for everyone, depending on culture, personality and social context.
How to start setting your boundaries?
If you are not used to setting your boundaries and speaking your needs, it can take time to get used to. But like with everything else, the more you practice, the easier it gets. It is important to show compassion to yourself during the process if it doesn't come naturally to you. Consistency is key. Let's dive into some examples of boundary setting:
Self-awareness
Being aware of your needs, what you feel comfortable with, and what not is essential so you can start taking the following steps. Notice how you feel after spending time with people? Do you feel energised or depleted? Is that feeling the same with everyone, or does it differ? Suppose we feel exhausted after spending time with some people. In that case, we may have weak boundaries in certain relationships or with ourselves. These can look different, depending on the relationship we are in. Therefore, be mindful of your thoughts, emotions and feelings since it helps to understand what you might need to feel better.
How do you want to feel when setting a boundary?
Think about how you want to feel when interacting with others. Stay true to yourself and be honest with yourself. Starting to set boundaries can often leave us feeling bad and guilty about ourselves. Know that it won't stay like this forever. It's also worth saying that not everything other people say to us is true. Notice that the next time you are spending time with others. Is this something that resonates with you and you know is true, or does it come from their beliefs? Give this time because this clarity may not come overnight. Keep practising this skill and getting to know yourself throughout the process.
Learning to say no
The ability to say no is easier said than done. It might feel scary to say no to someone at first. It may bring up discomfort since it's not something we are used to. As a child, it wasn't safe for you to express your needs. It might've been seen as a weakness rather than a strength which led you to say yes more times than you would've liked to. As adults, we have control over how we respond to situations we didn't have when we were children. It is about learning to say no with warmth and kindness. If others do not respect these boundaries, it can tell us more about the other person. We can then address this with them.
Moreover, there is no need to explain to the other person why you set a boundary or apologise for establishing one. For example:
'I'd be willing to help you with this task, but not today.'
'I won't be able to make it today. Can we reschedule it for another day?'
Expressing your true feelings
Expressing your feelings openly and respectfully can be daunting, but it comes with practice and is hugely valuable. Being open about what you are or are not comfortable with—being aware of your needs and staying grounded rather than being triggered to a particular situation. If you get triggered, notice that and remove yourself from the situation to keep yourself safe. You always have options.
It is not bad or selfish to express your feelings openly. Sometimes, we are not used to it due to our childhood, where expressing our feelings may not have been allowed.
Being vulnerable can bring discomfort if you are not used to speaking your needs. Don't worry. This is natural and will get easier the more you practice.
Talking about your experiences honestly (in safe spaces).
Addressing problems and conflicts directly with the person involved rather than indirectly with a third person involved.
Talk about your expectations and needs rather than letting other people try to figure out what you need. Unfortunately, we don't read each other's minds and often can only make assumptions about the other person's thoughts. It is worth addressing this directly with another person, however difficult that may be.
Setting emotional boundaries
Emotional boundaries help us feel empowered and to know what we can and cannot take. For example, not setting emotional boundaries within family relationships or a partnership can leave us feeling drained, exhausted, guilty, or resentful. However, having clear boundaries is for the benefit of you and the others involved. Starting:
Think about which boundary you would like to set.
Communicate that to the other.
Don't over-explain yourself.
Why is that boundary necessary for you?
You may feel guilty or selfish when first starting to set boundaries. Notice how you are feeling when you start communicating your needs. Are you saying what you're feeling? Is the other person listening to you? You can bring these feelings into therapy, where we can dive deeper into why you may feel that way.
Final thoughts
Boundaries are like a muscle. They require practice and consistency for us to figure out how to communicate more effectively with those closest to us, as well as in professional relationships. Try not to give up after your first try when it doesn't go as expected. Equally, don't forget to respect other people's boundaries throughout the process when interacting with those close to you, be it in family or professional relationships.
If you feel like you are ready to start therapy, or want to know more about how I work, schedule a consultation call with me below or contact me at arulacounselling@proton.me. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Please note: This is for educational purposes only, and is not to substitute a therapeutic relationship with a mental health professional. If you are in a mental health crisis, please call 112 or your country’s crisis line, where professional mental health workers can help you.
What Happens in Music Therapy?
How can music be used in a music therapy session?
Music therapy is the clinical and evidence-based use of music interventions. Music is a therapeutic tool to accomplish individualised goals within a therapeutic relationship by a credentialed professional. These interventions address goals such as alleviating pain, managing stress, anxiety and physical symptoms, supporting self-expression, enhancing memory, and improving mood and communication (AMTA, 2022). But what really happens in music therapy, and how can you benefit from it?
What happens in music therapy?
In music therapy, music serves as a medium for processing emotions and feelings. As opposed to talking therapy, the emphasis is more on non-verbal expression, working with an embodied approach. Let's look at how we can use music in therapy sessions.
Music listening
Listening to songs that have a special meaning evokes memories. It may be a song from childhood, a song you listened to on repeat during your teenage years, or something that reminds you of home. Another form is discussing the song's lyrics, meaning, and how these songs make us feel. It can significantly impact your understanding of yourself and your mental health, connect you to your culture and make sense of your early experiences.
Playing in therapy
Playing together enhances connection and improves our well-being. For example, playing a rainstick or a handpan can create relaxing and soothing sounds that can be especially effective with ADHD. I have noticed that sometimes clients need a little encouragement when starting. When they listen to me playing a few chords on the piano or the guitar, clients may feel more relaxed and at ease in playing together and experimenting with sounds. Beginning to let go of anxious feelings that may arise. Playing together gets easier the more we play. It is about having fun with it and letting go of any expectations you may have for yourself.
Writing songs
Writing can be a great way to express yourself. You are putting your thoughts and feelings on paper and finding a sound and a melody that matches the song's emotions. In music therapy, you can participate in one-to-one or group sessions. Meaning you will be in a relationship with others who will support you along the way. Songwriting supports connection and communication and helps to express thoughts and feelings creatively.
Musical meditation
If feeling too overwhelmed, doing a simple breathing exercise to ground ourselves and let us come back to our bodies can have a significant effect. Listening to instrumental music, or music played live by the therapist, supports stress and anxiety and relaxes us into the present moment. It can be effective when working with complex and overwhelming feelings.
Drumming
When drumming together, we can experiment with different sounds and dynamics, such as playing louder or quieter and trying out different rhythms. After playing, we can reflect on the playing and what happened in the music. Drumming helps us get more into our bodies and out of our thoughts. When overwhelmed by your thoughts and emotions, drumming can create distance between them and alleviate anxiety.
Online music therapy
Online music therapy emphasises working with the body, verbal expression, meditations, and vocal sounds since we won't be able to play simultaneously. There might not be access to instruments, but we can still work together in an embodied and musical way. Technology continues making connections and finding creative ways of expressing ourselves.
Who can benefit from music therapy?
Music therapy suits every age group, from infants to older adults. I specialise in working with trauma, substance misuse, depression, anxiety and neurodiversity. I use music as a tool to facilitate attachment and human connection. However, the techniques mentioned above are not necessarily used in sessions at the same time. By working together, we can explore what works for you. These are only some of the techniques that may be used.
If you feel disconnected from yourself, struggle to make and maintain relationships, and make sense of your experiences, I look forward to hearing from you. You can contact me here or email me at arulacounselling@proton.me.
References
AMTA (2022) American Music Therapy Association.
Playing in Therapy
When we are unable to play, something is telling us that it isn’t safe to express ourselves fully, that it is not safe to be 'ourselves'. How can we find our way back?
Play is a natural part of us. It lets us be creative and in flow with our whole beings. We begin to play from an early age, being curious about the world through sound, smell, taste, and touch. As we grow up, the ability to play may diminish, depending on our experiences in the world. When we are unable to play, or the ability to play is disrupted, something is holding us back. Something is telling us that we are not safe to express ourselves fully, that it is not safe to be 'ourselves'.
The importance of play
British child psychiatrist D. W. Winnicott (1971) has said,
‘It is in playing and only in playing that the individual child or adult is able to be creative and to use the whole personality, and it is only in playing that the individual discovers the self’.
It is about getting in touch with the younger part of us that we may have been trying to ignore and suppress for a long time. Showing compassion towards that part of us, giving them attention, showing them that it is safe to be in the world. We can begin to get curious about that part through art, which can act as a safe space to have feelings in.
Free improvisation
One of the foundations of music therapy is free improvisation. It is based on the subconscious principle, where music informs what is happening inside the person. Improvisation helps to connect us to our past experiences, integrate them with the present, and bring up memories or feelings we may not have been aware of. In therapy, we can start to better understand these experiences and work through them verbally and musically.
Principles of free improvisation:
1. Using creativity in therapy
No previous musical skill, such as knowing how to play an instrument or sing, is necessary to benefit from music therapy. What's important is to participate in the musical exchange and express yourself in a way that feels right to you. There is no right or wrong way of doing that. Through playing within the therapist-client relationship, you can start to gain clarity about your internal processes and behaviours since sometimes we cannot put our feelings into words. Some experiences are more somatic and challenging to describe. Hence, through non-verbal and free expression, you can start to make meaning of your felt senses.
2. Authentic expression
As sometimes it is easier to hide behind words, you can start to let yourself free from these defences through free improvisation. The way you play and use instruments may give us a glimpse of what might be going on for you, connecting your body and mind. It takes time to feel and be comfortable in our bodies and learn how to express ourselves in a new way. It may be connected to our self-esteem, anxiety, fear of being seen, or fear of making mistakes. By slowly working through these feelings in a safe space, you begin to make room for yourself.
3. Expressing yourself in a non-verbal way
Humans are preverbal. We all have rhythm and sound before we have words. Therefore, expressing yourself musically can connect you to your early life experiences when you didn't know any better. We can now start to make sense of that and show ourselves compassion. Expressing emotions, thoughts and feelings in words can sometimes be difficult. Through improvisation, we have an opportunity to give them space. This provides another layer of expression and helps us better understand our emotions and work through them.
Working with a client through play
In client work, improvisation can be used anywhere in the session, depending on the client's needs. The intense feelings that are difficult to express in words can be expressed through music. In working with a client of mine, I offered to choose an instrument that described their feelings in the moment. They chose a small harp and started to play delicate and fragmented sounds on the instrument. After listening for a little while, I started playing the guitar with some soft chords. The sounds melted into each other, creating a safer environment for the client to express what they felt. Afterwards, we reflected on the music where they were able to translate their experience into words. We were able to unpack what was happening in the room and make sense of it. As a result, they felt more at ease and relaxed which wouldn’t have happened by only using words.
Connecting with your inner child through play
We are all surrounded and connected to play. It gives us information about how we interact with other people, play with the world, and express ourselves. It is important to show self-compassion towards us when this doesn't come naturally to us. Connecting with your inner child may be difficult at first but where can we begin? Here are some questions you may ask yourself:
What does play mean to you?
Do you allow yourself to play?
Do you feel stuck or unable to play at times?
Do you feel self-conscious whilst playing?
What are the blocks, if any, that are holding you back from expressing yourself fully?
Doing that in a safe space and in a relationship with the other supports having shame around it. We can start to interact and connect to ourselves in a way that we may have forgotten or never experienced before. This way of working with play can fluctuate between verbal and musical expression. However, improvisation is not a substitute for the verbal expression but rather an indirect medium of expression where difficult material can be explored and an interpersonal relationship can be strengthened.
Get in touch with me
I offer online and in-person counselling in Berlin. If you would like to participate in therapy with me, please contact me here or email me at arulacounselling@proton.me to arrange a consultation call. The first call is to get to know each other, explore the possibilities of music therapy and assess your suitability for treatment. After that, if you would like to continue with therapy, a consent form will be filled in, and a start time will be agreed upon. I look forward to hearing from you.
References
Eno, B. (2022). Apple Music podcast with Zane Lowe.
Rogers, P. (1992). Issues in working with sexually abused clients in music therapy. Journal of British Music Therapy, 6(2), 5-15.
Winnicott, D. W. (1971) Playing and Reality. London: Routledge.
ADHD - Finding Peace in the Midst of Chaos
October is ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) Awareness Month. We will discuss the symptoms of ADHD and focus more on ADHD in adults.
October is ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) Awareness Month. Therefore, we will discuss the symptoms of ADHD and focus more on ADHD in adults. How does ADHD influence us, what about getting assessed, and how can therapy support an adult diagnosed with ADHD?
What is ADHD?
ADHD is one of the most common neurodevelopmental disorders in children and adolescents, with symptoms present in 3-10% of school children. ADHD is three times more common in boys than girls and is usually passed on into adulthood. However, diagnosing ADHD in adults is more difficult since they have learned to mask their symptoms.
ADHD symptoms
ADHD is characterised by poor impulse control, difficulties concentrating, restlessness, fidgeting, tics, and hyperactivity. Dr Gabor Matè has stated that ADHD is not a disease, but a byproduct of not getting our attachment needs met in childhood. Genetic risk, metabolic diseases, immune disorders, infections, physical trauma, toxic environment and neglect may contribute to ADHD. It may be associated with other mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, dyslexia, learning difficulties, developmental disorders, and speech and language disorders.
Early childhood environment
For young children, there is a need for attention and emotional regulation, the importance of attuning to the child, being present with them and offering physical and emotional security. Children are more vulnerable to environmental stressors, sensitivity to the environment, and not being soothed when distressed. A stressful childhood environment with no consistency or predictability creates a lack of trust, possibly leading to zoning out or a 'freeze' response as a coping mechanism, making the pain more bearable.
Moreover, schools or other systems we operate in may be trying to fit children with ADHD into society's norms, ignoring their needs that are different from the 'norm'. However difficult it may be for the teacher or other professional to attend to everyone's needs, it always comes a long way. Including parents or caregivers in treatment plans is equally important, offering the child the appropriate support for healthy development.
ADHD in adults
Untreated ADHD can impair work performance, damage self-esteem and interfere with relationships. It can also reduce the chances of success and satisfaction in life, leading to substance misuse and distracting yourself with other activities rather than sitting with the pain. Studies show that the brain retains neuroplasticity throughout life. The brain continues to develop new pathways and synaptic connections to environmental stimuli. Meaning without the change in the environment, the brain cannot create new circuits of the mind relating to self and the world. Having ADHD doesn't mean there is a flaw in one's personality. There may be distress, loneliness and confusion that the adults may be unable to express. Separation of the mind and body, where the mind keeps wandering in another direction. Sometimes, the person can be highly interested in certain motivating activities.
What can therapy offer for adults with ADHD?
Therapy offers a safe space to explore any difficult feelings or triggers. It allows you to explore your patterns and behaviours and make sense of your inner experience. It is important to note that a therapist is not qualified to assess you for ADHD but can guide and support you in your process.
How can music therapy help with ADHD?
Oliver Sacks, neurologist and author of Musicophilia, has said: "Nothing activates the brain as extensively as music". Music helps to relieve tensions and express yourself through play. Sometimes, there is no need for words. Music has its own pulse, rhythm, breathing and movement. As music evokes different emotions, you start to gain clarity about the processes within yourself in a safe environment and by reflecting on your experiences with a therapist.
This type of therapy involves cognitive, emotional and social processes. The treatment uses musical interventions to support concentration, self-expression and social skills where the relationship between client and therapist is at the centre of therapy. However, creative activities such as free improvisation, listening to music, songwriting, movement and art can be used alongside words. Through these activities, the therapist guides the client towards specific therapeutic goals.
1. Providing structure
Providing a framework through regular weekly sessions creates predictability and safety that you may lack in your daily life. It forms a boundary from where you can start to explore your emotional and behavioural patterns with the therapist. The client's self-confidence and sense of achievement can be supported and enhanced through goal-oriented activities.
2. Safety and self-expression
Feeling safe is vital for growth and healing. From this environment, you can start to understand yourself better. Moreover, self-expression is one of the core values in music therapy. Music is a way to express yourself and convey and understand your emotions. Sometimes, expressing yourself through non-verbal means is safer and more accessible than words, finding new ways of relating and having fun with it. Expressing yourself in a way that feels comfortable and right for you.
3. Supporting focus
Playing music or other forms of self-expression supports attention skills, where we pay attention to the body and mind. Listening to music activates the whole brain compared to speaking. Purposefully playing a musical instrument, writing songs, singing or listening to music can help you concentrate better and help make new neural pathways in your brain.
4. Supporting social skills
Music and the arts offer opportunities to support communication and find new ways of interacting. Creative activities help to communicate in a more accessible way where no words are needed since we don't all communicate in the same way. Making yourself heard, validated and accepted in a therapy space helps you implement these skills outside the therapeutic relationship. In therapy, looking at and understanding your parental relationships and family history helps to make sense of your experience and create awareness.
Getting assessed for ADHD as an adult in Berlin
ADHD assessment is done by a psychiatrist or professional with the appropriate qualifications. Getting a diagnosis can be a source of relief and helps to validate your experience. Although some people prefer not getting an assessment for ADHD because of stigma or personal reasons. However, a diagnosis will help you get the appropriate care you need and enable you to adapt your school or work environments according to your needs.
Conclusion
Not everyone's brain works in the same way. Offering compassion, listening and being valued for who you are goes a long way. In addition to learning about your emotional and behavioural needs and patterns in therapy, we may also explore parental relationships and family history. It can be terrifying to sit with your mind but doing that in a safe and trusting space can make all the difference.
Contact me here if you think you or your loved one would benefit from counselling or music therapy.
Please note: If you are in a severe crisis, thinking of hurting yourself or others, then call 112, and professional mental health workers will be able to help you. Arula Counselling is not designed to offer help in immediate mental health crises.
Using Music to Relieve Stress and Anxiety
In this article, we will explore active and receptive techniques on how to use music in relieving stress and anxiety.
What is anxiety?
Anxiety is a feeling of unease such as worry, fear, stress, restlessness, tension or overthinking. These are all healthy responses to stressful situations where your body releases cortisol (a stress hormone) to respond to them. When we feel threatened, cortisol is valuable in protecting us, creating a fight-flight-freeze reaction. Fight or flight prepare our bodies to fight against the threat or to escape the situation. Your breathing gets quicker; your heartbeat fastens; muscles tense — your body is ready to react quickly. In freeze response, we feel like there is no opportunity for us to escape, which numbs our feelings physically, emotionally and mentally.
Common types of anxiety disorders
People with anxiety disorders experience repeated episodes of these sudden feelings, which may lead to anxiety, disrupting daily tasks. There are many anxiety disorders, the most common ones being generalised anxiety disorder and social anxiety. Let's look at these below.
Generalised anxiety disorder
In generalised anxiety disorder, there is constant worry or fear that the person cannot control. You could have sleep difficulties, the tension in your muscles, restlessness, problems focusing, fatigue, or irritability.
Social anxiety
In social anxiety, you may feel anxious when having to be at the centre of attention, perform or socialise with others. Because of the intense feelings you feel around people, you may start to isolate yourself from these stressful situations to relieve your triggers. However, some performance and social anxiety are standard, which doesn't necessarily mean you have social anxiety.
Common symptoms of anxiety
Anxiety symptoms can range from:
having restless thoughts
difficulties falling asleep
thoughts of worry
overthinking
tension in muscles
shallow breathing
sweating
sense of unease
How can music help to relieve stress and anxiety?
Studies have shown that music can lower our cortisol levels, reducing stress and anxiety. Music connects us to ourselves, being aware of our emotions, and processing our feelings. When we start accepting our anxiety, leaning into it and letting go of control, we may begin to notice how the feeling is something to be curious about. Music addresses our cognitive, emotional and social needs. Below, I have listed some musical techniques to use when feeling overwhelmed and stressed. These can be used in your own time and adjusted to your needs.
Active music-making
In active music-making, we use instruments or our voices to create sounds and music in real-time. This involves active participation from your side and may be more exposing. Below, I have listed three active music-making techniques to relieve stress and anxiety.
Vocal breathing
We breathe at all times, but it is the quality of the breath that counts. Notice your breathing pattern – is it slow or fast? Is it surface level, or do you breathe deeply from your diaphragm? Once you are aware of your breath, begin to take deeper breaths, closing your eyes if this feels comfortable, placing one hand on your belly and one on your heart. Inhale from the nose, exhale through your mouth, relax your shoulders, placing both feet on the ground. As you exhale, let a sound out with your voice. It might feel uncomfortable initially but trust the process and be open to whatever happens. You are safe.
Songwriting
Think about something that you are struggling with at the moment. Is it a question that you are curious about? Are you delaying a task that you'd rather not complete? Maybe you're feeling confused and need some clarity. Write down anything that comes to mind. You then have a topic that you can use for your songwriting. Start picking out some words that capture your attention, creating a map of these and grouping lyrics together. You may add music to these. Writing down words that reflect your current state can help to create awareness of your emotions and process your feelings.
Playing an instrument
If you have an instrument at hand or anything else that makes a sound, you can start experimenting with them. These can be quiet on a guitar, or maybe you want to express your anger on the drums. Get familiar with what comes out. There is no need to think about it, but just leaning into the task and letting go of your thoughts can be a great way to release any stale emotions. Voice can be another one to experiment with and is accessible to most of us.
Music listening
Music listening is a passive form of using music to relieve stress and anxiety. This can be either listening to your favourite song or putting on a relaxing playlist that helps you ground yourself. Let's look at some of these techniques.
Putting on a song that reflects your current mood
How do you feel right now? Is there a song that you associate with your current mood? Does it have any lyrics? If so, what is the message of the song? This may be your favourite song you are listening to on repeat, or you might shuffle your playlist and see what comes up. Whatever it is, trust the process and notice the lyrics or the melody. Do they reflect your current state of mind? Is it the complete opposite? Is there perhaps a feeling that you've been avoiding? Listening to a song that reflects your mood can be a great way to gain awareness of your emotions.
A curated playlist to keep your mind calm and grounded
I have added here a list of songs that I have used in my sessions to help my clients calm their minds and stay grounded in the present moment. You can either sit down on your chair or lie down. Try to find a comfortable position that suits you. Close your eyes and put on the playlist. You can focus on one particular feeling, or let your mind wander. Don’t worry if you get distracted by your thoughts. Just notice it, let go of them and come back to the music, to your breath.
Creating a playlist
You can begin creating your own playlist that resonates with your identity and feelings. You can start by listening to songs that come up and see whether you feel a connection to them. Spotify also suggests songs that sound similar to the songs in your playlist. You may find certain themes coming up. Trust the process and note these songs down. Give them a listen in a comfortable space. Notice if these songs have lyrics or are they instrumental? Are they fast or slow? These playlists are unique to us and can help us find a connection to ourselves.
Do what makes you feel good
Start by picking one technique that feels most comfortable. Perhaps you find that breathing exercises work best for you? Maybe writing is your thing? You can try out some of them and then decide. What is important is that you are curious about your emotions and feelings and what comes up.
I am an English-speaking online counsellor in Berlin. You can contact me here or via email at arulacounselling@proton.me. I look forward to connecting with you.