Practicing Self-Compassion + FREE downloadable meditations
“The simplest way to think about self-compassion is treating yourself as you would treat a good friend,” says Pollak.
During the Mindfulness in Psychotherapy Summit, Dr Susan Pollak held a lecture on mindfulness and self-compassion. It made me go back to basics, thinking about attuning to ourselves and to our needs first before helping others to reduce depression, anxiety, and trauma symptoms and improve our resilience for well-being.
What is self-compassion?
“The simplest way to think about self-compassion is treating yourself as you would treat a good friend,” says Pollak. What kind of language would you use with them? How would you treat them?
Common misconceptions of self-compassion
There are some misconceptions when it comes to self-compassion such as:
Self-compassion will make me lazy. I know I will stay in bed all day, not go to work and binge on Netflix.
Self-compassion will not make me get ahead in life. I want to succeed.
I need to be tough to survive. Self-compassion will make me weak.
Being self-compassionate doesn’t mean that you are lazy or the need to hide from your painful feelings. Self-compassion is about attending to your own suffering and difficulties, motivating you to navigate these hardships, learn from your mistakes, and move forward. It is about wanting health and well-being for yourself because you care.
Benefits of practising self-compassion
Helps us to see the bigger picture.
Can help us to be more caring in relationships and be less selfish.
Self-compassion increases well-being and resilience to stress and trauma.
Helps us to turn to painful feelings without overwhelming ourselves.
Can be a form of emotional regulation as it reduces emotional numbing.
Compassion practices can transform the way we relate to ourselves and others. And by paying attention to our thoughts, feelings and actions, we are open to loving ourselves for who we are, with all our imperfections.
Arula Counselling integrates creative, psychodynamic, mindfulness and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) approaches with a focus on neurodiversity-affirming and trauma-informed care.
Self-compassion in practice
When experiencing hardships in life, people often feel isolated and disconnected from others. Thinking, that it is somehow unusual or strange to fail, to have weaknesses, or to suffer. This, however, can lead to a question such as “Why me?” causing strong feelings of separation.
And while it might seem obvious that we all go through personal suffering, many of us don’t actually pause to acknowledge our own pain, being too busy judging ourselves or trying to problem-solve. But having compassion for ourselves is about acknowledging the fact that we are all imperfect and going through suffering.
Layers of self-compassion:
self-kindness — being kind and understanding toward ourselves during times of difficulty;
common humanity — seeing our experiences as part of the human condition and not as separate and isolate from those around us;
mindfulness — awareness of the present experience with acceptance.
Self-kindness
Self-kindness refers to the tendency to be caring and understanding with ourselves rather than being strongly critical or judgmental. But that doesn’t mean that we have to accept ourselves straight away. We can move slowly through the practice of self-kindness, in our own pace. Tweaking the practices to our own needs.
Below, we will look at some techniques on where to start. But being kind to ourselves is about accepting that there is no set way of doing things. We are all different. Therefore, forgiving ourselves when things don’t go as we expected can help ease the pressure we put on ourselves at all times.
Common humanity
Self-compassion honours the fact that all human beings have strengths and weaknesses. It acknowledges the reality that we are imperfect human beings who all experience suffering.
Being compassionate is about the difference in relating to yourself when not reaching your goals. Forgiving yourself that you did the best you could at a given moment and not exaggerating our own problems. Acknowledging that other people are facing their own hardships and difficulties. Compassion practices help us to create connection, and challenge our assumptions of separation and aloneness from others.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is an important part of self-compassion. As described above, it is about being in the present moment with all our thoughts and feelings. If we manage to stay in the present, we start creating freedom and openness in ourselves and not get stuck in our past or future worries.
Mindfulness can be adapted to your own needs and what feels comfortable to you. You may feel like standing up or walking feels best for you when learning to attend to your needs. Whatever it is, listen to yourself and your body. Don’t worry about your thoughts stopping, they will be there with you at all times. Learn to notice them, and start to let go.
Give yourself time
Practicing self-compassion requires time and patience but when we start paying attention to the way we speak to ourselves, it can give us a direction in how to move forward. Showing ourselves kindness and accepting our imperfections and flaws can improve our quality of life, and our relationships. Acknowledging that we all have imperfections.
So, take a pause, show yourself some compassion, commit to the practice. In this way you start to create resilience, set a foundation and a toolbox for yourself to begin healing. Because you deserve it.
If you would like to start exploring how you can start practicing self-compassion towards yourself then book a session with me here and we can start getting curious about it together.
Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes only. If you are suffering from severe trauma, live in an abusive household or are in danger then call 112 or your country’s crisis line, where professional mental health workers will be able to offer you appropriate support.
5 Self-Care Techniques for Adults with ADHD
Neglecting self-care practices for adults with ADHD can be easy to do, but it might be the most important thing you can do for your mental well-being to help you manage symptoms, reduce stress, and improve your overall well-being.
ADHD (Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder) affects a significant proportion of the adult population, with more individuals seeking out a diagnosis and understanding. In addition to symptoms of hyperactivity, impulsivity, and inattention, research has also explored ADHD and the connection between certain emotional and cognitive factors, such as higher emotional reactivity, negative thinking patterns, and co-existing conditions, such as anxiety and depression.
Neglecting self-care practices for adults with ADHD can be easy to do, but it might be the most important thing you can do for your mental well-being to help you manage symptoms, reduce stress, and improve your overall well-being. Let's look at these carefully tailored five self-care techniques for adults with ADHD, providing practical ways to maintain balance and daily functioning.
1. Recognising your thought patterns through journaling
ADHD affects thinking, such as focusing more on negative thinking patterns, which may leave you feeling self-doubt, self-criticism, moments of failure, and low self-esteem. Through journaling, your brain will start slowing down, helping you identify when these thoughts arise, how they may affect your mood, and how to process emotions more effectively. You can challenge these thoughts by being curious about where they come from and whether they are true. Thoughts can then be reframed to something more positive. Even if it's difficult to believe and feel these are first, working in such a way takes practice and consistency.
If journaling doesn't work for you, I always encourage people to seek different mediums, such as art-making, music-making, or poetry. Whatever feels more accessible to you, go with that. Be kind to yourself throughout the process and seek further support if needed.
2. Understanding hyperfocus
Hyperfocus is a fixation on an activity for a prolonged period without taking any breaks, losing track of time, and neglecting eating and sleeping, usually engaging in an activity you are interested in. Hyperfocus can deplete your energy and leave you exhausted by its end. Low dopamine levels in the brain are hypothesised to play a role in hyperfocus. Due to this, it can be challenging to get yourself out of the intense focus. Although it can be an excellent asset, it can also decrease productivity and impact your relationships and academic achievements. Recognising your hyperfocus can help you set timers and alarms when working on tasks and use other external cues to manage your time more effectively.
Arula Counselling integrates creative, psychodynamic, mindfulness and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) approaches with a focus on neurodiversity-affirming and trauma-informed care.
3. Listening to music that makes you feel good
Music can significantly increase dopamine in your brain, regulating emotions and offering structure to your day. The rhythm and tempo of songs support attention, focus, and decision-making. You can also use music to complete tasks due to the nature of the length of songs and tracks. It can start by structuring your brushing your teeth in the morning by playing a 2-3 minute upbeat song. Experiment with genres, speed, and instrumentation, and notice how different songs make you feel. Instrumental music may be more supportive due to not having instant associations with the music and lyrics. However, lyrics can be powerful in focusing on one specific mood or situation. Just notice how different tracks and songs make you feel.
4. Finding the right support network
Building a solid support network is essential for individuals with ADHD. Seek out people who understand and empathise with your experiences; it might be someone you know of having the same condition. Talking to people who understand you can be helpful and healing, as well as being heard and validated and feeling like you're not alone in your experiences. Surrounding yourself with a supportive community can provide validation, understanding, and practical strategies for managing ADHD symptoms. Sharing your challenges and successes with others who can relate can be immensely beneficial. It can start with your family, friends, or someone from work with whom you connect and feel safe. It can start from just one person.
5. Self-Compassion
Practicing self-compassion is crucial for individuals with ADHD. Understand that ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition and that your symptoms do not define you. ADHD is just one part of you. Be patient and kind to yourself, recognising that you are doing your best. When setbacks occur, offer yourself understanding and forgiveness. Listen to how you speak to yourself, and notice to treat yourself with the same compassion and kindness you would extend to a friend facing similar challenges.
Conclusion
Self-care is crucial to adults with ADHD to help manage symptoms, reduce stress, and improve their mental and physical well-being. By incorporating these five self-care techniques into your daily living through journaling, understanding hyperfocus, listening to music to structure tasks, and boosting cognition, finding the right support network, and practicing self-compassion, you will start to understand yourself better and live a more balanced life. Remember that self-care is a personal journey that looks different for everyone, so explore and experiment with different strategies to find what works best for you.
If you need more support in your process or have any questions regarding how therapy could support you, I look forward to connecting with you.
References
Hamdani, S. (2023) Self-Care for People with ADHD. Simon & Schuster.
Nuff, K. (2024) Self-compassion. Available at: https://self-compassion.org/. (Accessed: 15 February 2024).
Volkow, N. D., Wang, G. J., Newcorn, J. H., Kollins, S. H., Wigal, T. L., Telang, F., ... & Swanson, J. M. (2011). Motivation deficit in ADHD is associated with dysfunction of the dopamine reward pathway. Molecular psychiatry, 16(11), 1147-1154. doi: 10.1038/mp.2010.97