English-Speaking Counselling in Berlin: What to Look For
Looking for English-speaking counselling in Berlin? Discover what to consider when choosing a counsellor, including therapeutic approach, fit, psychodynamic counselling, music therapy, creativity and neuro-affirming support.
Berlin is home to people from all over the world. Whether you’ve recently moved here, have lived here for years, or find yourself navigating a significant life transition, there may come a time when you begin looking for professional emotional support.
Searching for English-speaking counselling in Berlin can feel overwhelming at first. With so many therapists, counsellors, and coaching services available, how do you know which approach, and which practitioner, is right for you?
While qualifications and experience are important, finding the right therapist is about more than credentials. It is about finding a space where you feel understood, respected, and safe enough to be able to explore your experiences openly.
Why Choose English-Speaking Counselling?
Many international residents in Berlin speak German in their daily lives but prefer to discuss personal experiences, emotions, and relationships in English.
Therapy often involves exploring vulnerable topics such as:
Relationship challenges
Life transitions
Anxiety and stress
Identity and belonging
Self-esteem
Grief and loss
Emotional overwhelm
Being able to express yourself in a language that feels natural and more comfortable to you, can make the therapeutic process feel more accessible and meaningful, leaning into your emotional world.
For many people, working with an English-speaking therapist in Berlin allows for greater emotional depth and ease within the counselling relationship.
Consider the Therapist’s Approach
Not all counselling approaches are the same, and understanding the therapist’s perspective can help you find a good fit.
Psychodynamic Counselling
Psychodynamic counselling focuses on understanding the deeper patterns that shape our emotional lives.
Many of our reactions, relationship dynamics, and coping strategies develop over time and may be influenced by earlier experiences. A psychodynamic approach creates space to explore these patterns with curiosity rather than judgment.
This approach can be particularly supportive for individuals who find themselves:
Repeating similar relationship patterns
Struggling with self-worth
Feeling stuck or disconnected
Navigating significant life changes
Seeking deeper self-understanding
Rather than focusing solely on symptoms, psychodynamic work often explores the underlying emotional experiences that may be contributing to current difficulties.
The Importance of the Therapeutic Relationship
Research consistently shows that one of the most important factors in successful therapy is the quality of the therapeutic relationship.
Feeling safe, respected, and genuinely understood can create the foundation for meaningful change.
When choosing a counsellor, it can be helpful to ask yourself:
Do I feel comfortable speaking with this person?
Do I feel listened to?
Does their approach resonate with me?
Can I imagine building trust over time?
Many therapists offer an introductory consultation, which can help you get a sense of whether the relationship feels like a good fit.
Creative Approaches in Counselling
While traditional talk therapy can be incredibly valuable, some individuals find that creative approaches offer additional ways to explore emotions and experiences.
Creative methods can support reflection, emotional expression, and self-awareness when words alone feel insufficient.
Depending on the therapist’s training and the client’s preferences, this may include:
Creative approaches are not about artistic ability and skills. Rather, they can offer alternative pathways into understanding thoughts, feelings, and patterns of relating. For some people, combining reflective counselling with creative expression can deepen the therapeutic process and support personal growth and creativity.
Neurodiversity-Affirming Support
For autistic adults, ADHDers, and other neurodivergent individuals, finding a therapist who understands neurodiversity can be an important consideration.
A neurodiversity-affirming therapist recognises that different ways of thinking, communicating, processing information, and experiencing the world are natural variations of human experience.
Rather than focusing on changing who you are, neuroaffirming counselling aims to support self-understanding, wellbeing, and sustainable ways of navigating daily life.
Whether you are newly exploring a diagnosis or have known about your neurodivergence for years, working with a therapist who understands these experiences can help create a more supportive therapeutic environment.
Practical Considerations When Choosing a Therapist in Berlin
Alongside therapeutic approach, it can be useful to consider practical factors such as:
Online or In-Person Sessions
Some people value the flexibility of online counselling, while others prefer meeting in person. Consider which format best suits your lifestyle and comfort level.
Location
Berlin is a large city, and regular travel across the city can become tiring. If you are looking for in-person counselling, choosing a conveniently located therapist can support consistency.
Availability
Finding a therapist with availability that matches your schedule can make it easier to commit to the therapeutic process. This can be discussed together with your therapist during a consultation call and during the first full session before committing.
Consultation Calls
Many therapists offer an initial consultation, allowing you to ask questions and determine whether the fit feels right before committing to ongoing sessions.
Finding the Right Fit
There is no single “best” therapist for everyone. The right therapist is someone whose approach, personality, and values align with what you need at this stage of your life. Sometimes finding that fit takes time, and it is completely okay to speak with more than one therapist before making a decision. Therapy is a collaborative process, and feeling comfortable enough to be yourself is an important part of the work.
English-Speaking Counselling at Arula Counselling
At Arula Counselling, I offer English-speaking counselling in Berlin and online for adults seeking a thoughtful, collaborative, and compassionate therapeutic space.
My work is informed by:
Relational and attachment-focused lens
Neurodiversity-affirming practice
Person-centred
I work with adults navigating life transitions, emotional challenges, identity exploration, relationships, self-understanding, anxiety, and neurodivergence. My aim is to create a space where clients can slow down, reflect, and develop a deeper understanding of themselves and their experiences.
If you are looking for an English-speaking counsellor in Berlin, you are welcome to explore my services, learn more about my approach, or book a free introductory consultation by clicking the link below or contact me here.
The Connection Between Autism and Loneliness [in Neurodivergent Women]
When reaching adulthood, many autistic women lack social support and knowledge on how to find available support. Let's find out how to start creating connection to decrease feelings of loneliness.
Research shows that loneliness and autism are interconnected where autistic people experience loneliness more intensely than non-autistic individuals. Despite the general misconception that autistic people prefer to be alone, many are interested in social connections. However, it can be challenging to form new relationships due to experiencing difficulties with social interaction.
In this article, I’ll focus on the connection between autism and loneliness, discussing what loneliness is, the connection between loneliness and autism focusing on neurodivergent women, the challenges of autism and loneliness, and how to find support that works for you.
1. What is loneliness?
Loneliness is a form of subjective social isolation where a person feels that their current social situation doesn’t align with their social needs and preferences, leading to unpleasant emotions. It is an experience of a lack of fulfilling connections with others such as in intimate relationships, family, friendships or collective loneliness.
‘Many persons in society who are considered to be different and diverse are likely to be exposed to discrimination, exclusion, and (physical, emotional, and psychological) pain from people and institutions with the dominant majority group in society. Such negative treatment can severely impact their levels of trust, self-confidence, fear, anxiety, and future life opportunities’.
- Colin Lago, 2011
2. Loneliness in neurodivergent women
Loneliness is a common experience in neurodivergent women which can lead to mental health difficulties such as low self-esteem, lack of confidence, self-doubt, anxiety and depression. Moreover, the pervasive lack of acceptance and understanding of autism within society can compound the social challenges faced by those with autism, further contributing to feelings of exclusion and loneliness.
It may be that you lack knowledge and understanding of how autism affects you. It may be challenging to find common topics to talk about with others, and you may feel that you don't seem to connect with people in the same way others seem to do. Your interests may differ from theirs which may make having small talk exhausting, creating further feelings of isolation.
3. Gender based misdiagnosis
Given that autism has historically been considered a ‘male’ condition, many neurodivergent women are often misdiagnosed or overlooked. This leads to a gender bias in diagnosis, further creating the connection between autism and loneliness in neurodivergent girls and women. This may lead to you not getting the appropriate support, and struggling to know where to find the help you need.
Arula Counselling integrates creative, psychodynamic, mindfulness and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) approaches with a focus on neurodiversity-affirming and trauma-informed care.
4. Coping skills that may increase loneliness in autism
Masking
Masking and hiding your true self can be painful. It may involve mimicking others’ behaviours so that people won’t find out about your differences. This may involve a fear of being seen as different or being perceived negatively, leading you to try to ‘fit in’ and act in ways that are far from your comfort. However, the more you suppress who you are, the more painful the experience becomes. Autistic ‘traits’ can be experiences that are not considered socially acceptable such as stimming, hypersensitivity to your environment, and not reading social cues according to social standards. Masking these autistic experiences can lead to, or increase feelings of:
Isolation
Rejection
Low self-esteem
Social anxiety
Depression
This creates further disconnection from yourself, trying to conform to social norms. You may feel like you can't be yourself when you're around other people, that you won't be accepted the way you are. Even if your coping skills and strategies may seem to be working in the short term, learning to mask may start from an early age, usually leading to more complex mental health challenges.
Differences in sensory processing
Due to the overwhelming social settings such as being triggered by noise, strong smells, and touch such as clothes not fitting the right way. You may want to remove yourself from these situations but feel like you can’t. This can create a feeling of being frozen, unable to act or respond to a situation. The intense sensations and discomfort can lead to a sense of panic or anxiety, where your body feels tense and your mind races. This is a common experience for those experiencing sensory sensitivities or social anxiety in overstimulating settings. During these times, it is important to be kind to yourself and to recognise that this is your body’s way of protecting yourself. With time, learning about yourself and your needs, creating structures that work for you such as wearing noise-cancelling headphones, removing yourself from the triggering setting or planning for breaks. The goal is to honour your needs in demanding social situations.
Holding conversations
It may be difficult to hold a conversation that doesn’t interest you at all. However, it’s a different story when you connect with someone on a topic that you are knowledgeable about, creating a sense of connection and mutual understanding. For many autistic individuals, having a conversation on a topic that they are knowledgeable about provides a flow of self-expression, fostering a genuine connection.
5. Reframing your autistic experience
Creating awareness
When you start to create awareness around your autistic experience in a safe space, you may begin to understand yourself and others in a new way. Through this, you may start to reframe your experience and to make sense of why it’s been difficult for you. It may not be that you’re anxious but that living in a world that functions differently and that is not adapted to the unique differences creates pressure. You may be feeling exhausted, isolated, and disconnected. However, this is not your fault.
Living in a world that's not designed for you is hard, trying hard to ‘fit in’ to an experience that doesn’t seem to match your needs, however hard you try. Understanding your autistic traits and your experience is a start in learning about yourself, what you like and what you don't like. You can then start communicating that to others and be in spaces that feel right to you. You don't have to suffer and try to fit in just because other people seem to be coping well.
Relearning about yourself
By creating a safe enough experience for you in the therapy room, you’ll begin to find out what you feel comfortable with, and what you don't. By learning about yourself, you start to get to know yourself. You may find that you are better suited for different environments that you are currently in. For example, your job, the people you surround yourself with, your interests etc. Take the time to consider and find out what is important to you and what feels good to you. This can look different from what you witness in your daily life, and that’s okay. Know that there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with you.
Acceptance
Research shows that a lack of autism awareness and understanding causes negative social experiences for autistic adults, including bullying and social isolation. Furthermore, peer rejection can happen due to the lack of knowledge of and dismissing your unique sensory experiences. Such an experience of rejection could lead to feeling 'othered'. However, you are not wrong or bad for others not having the appropriate knowledge.
Differences make us who we are. When the rest of the world doesn't know how to support you, accepting yourself and not seeing yourself at fault can be difficult. Even though it's initially tricky, learning about yourself and listening to your needs will make you more understanding and show compassion and kindness to yourself. Even if it feels right now like you won't be able to heal, there is a way out. You have the strength in you.
Self-compassion
Having self-compassion is a considerable part of the process of healing. Being kind to yourself and working on acceptance decreases the sense of loneliness. However, this is a challenging process, and there will be ups and downs. But staying with it and staying consistent will help you get through it. Not avoiding the pain but feeling it and working through it with compassion. It may be about giving more time to yourself, such as needing more time to wind down after a social event. It is important to create that space for yourself to recharge and not overload yourself.
Engaging with your community
Seeing other people going through the same things can help us find hope. Engaging with other autistic people can help you feel less alone, find hope and help you see that you are not alone with your symptoms. Finding relationships that feel good to you and with whom you can connect makes a difference. Even if it is just one person that you trust will support you in your process of understanding and healing.
6. Finding support
When reaching adulthood, many autistic women lack social support and knowledge on how to find available support. Healthcare professionals can often make you feel misunderstood. There is a risk of misdiagnosis, increasing the likelihood of feeling isolated and lonely. Unsurprisingly, you may not want to turn to medical professionals to seek support.
You may be feeling hopeless and thinking about giving up. But it’s important to know that there is support available for you. It may be starting therapy with a professional who understands you and your needs, by joining an appropriate support group, adapting your environment to your needs, or engaging in activities that you enjoy doing. Finding a therapist who understands neurodivergence can make processing your experiences a lot easier. Therefore, look for support groups that offer a comforting and inviting environment for your specific needs. Read more on what to talk about in therapy.
7. Conclusion
Autistic people desire friendships and connections as much as anyone. It is about finding value in social relationships, belonging, and feeling heard and understood. Therefore, addressing the connection between autism and loneliness is crucial to improving social and communication challenges in the autistic community. By doing so, we start to create more awareness and can find ways of supporting mental health and well-being.
A safe environment to express yourself and talk about what's on your mind and how you feel can be a great place to start. You don't have to be alone in your experience. Talking to a professional who knows about neurodiversity helps to validate your experience.
Building relationships
Positive view and acceptance of yourself
Social skills interventions
Spending time doing activities you like
Music therapy can offer a safe way to start processing your emotions and feelings through a safer outlet.
I am an English-speaking therapist in Berlin, offering autism support for adults. I see clients both online and in-person.
Disclaimer: This article is for educational purposes only and does not substitute a therapeutic relationship with a mental health professional. If you are in a mental health crisis, please call 112 or your country's crisis line, where professional mental health workers can help you. Here are some additional resources.
References
Brickhill, R., et al. (2023). Autism, thy name is man: Exploring implicit and explicit gender bias in autism perceptions. PloS one, 18(8), e0284013. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0284013
Davis, H. (2022) ‘Autism is a way of being’: An ‘insider perspective’ on neurodiversity, music therapy and social justice’ in British Journal of Music Therapy, Vol. 36(1) 16–26.
Grace, K., et al. (2022). Loneliness in autistic adults: A systematic review. Autism, 26(8), 2117-2135. https://doi.org/10.1177/13623613221077721
Hadley, S. (2013). Dominant narratives: Complicity and the need for vigilance in the creative arts therapies. The Arts in Psychotherapy, 40(4), 373-381. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.aip.2013.05.004
Lago, C. (2011). Diversity, oppression, and society: Implications for person-centered therapists. Person-Centered & Experiential Psychotherapies, 10(4), 235–247.
Sinclair, J. (1993) ‘Don’t Mourn for Us’ in Autism Network International newsletter, Our Voice, Volume 1, Number 3.
What’s Your Anger Trying to Tell You?
Recognising the cause of anger and its effects starts with learning about yourself and being curious about where these emotions might be coming from.
I was talking to a colleague a couple of days ago, and the topic of anger came up. The chat led us to dive deeper into the subject of this powerful emotion, discussing how that may manifest in our daily lives and what we can do to start managing it better. Let's explore this further.
What is anger?
Anger is a natural and powerful emotion that we all experience from time to time. It is a response to perceived threats, injustices, or frustrations. However, it can sometimes get in the way of expressing ourselves fully and authentically. Understanding and managing it can improve your mental health, relationships and overall quality of life.
Causes of anger
Being curious about the possible causes of your anger is a starting point in learning about yourself. Recognising where these emotions might be coming from. Here are some of the causes of anger that may lie behind it:
Frustration
When we face obstacles or things don't go as planned, it can lead to feelings of anger.
Injustice
Witnessing or experiencing unfair treatment, discrimination, or violations of our rights can trigger anger.
Threats to self-esteem
Criticism, humiliation, or feeling disrespected can provoke anger.
Fear or pain
Anger can be a defence mechanism when we feel threatened or when we're in physical or emotional pain.
Unmet expectations
When our expectations are not met, whether in relationships, work, or daily life, it can result in anger.
Can you think of a recent situation where these feelings have been coming up? Pay close attention to how that feels in your body and whether there might be an underlying cause of your anger. Be kind to yourself throughout this discovery process, as it may be more difficult than expected.
Effects of anger
Anger can appear in many ways in our daily lives, impacting our overall quality of life. Below, I have listed some of the ways in which anger can affect our lives physically and emotionally.
Physiological responses
Anger triggers the body's "fight-or-flight" response, leading to increased heart rate, blood pressure, and adrenaline release.
Emotional impact
Anger can cause irritability, frustration, resentment, or even rage.
Relationship strain
Uncontrolled anger can damage relationships and lead to poor communication, aggression, or withdrawal.
Health consequences
Chronic anger has been linked to increased stress, cardiovascular problems, weakened immune system, and mental health issues.
Managing and expressing anger
How can you start to manage and express your anger differently?
Recognise your triggers
Identify the situations, events, or thoughts that tend to provoke your anger.
Take a break
If you feel anger escalating, step away from the situation to cool down and gain perspective.
Practice relaxation techniques
Deep breathing, meditation, music listening, art making, or engaging in activities you enjoy can help reduce anger.
Communication
Express your anger assertively, using "I" statements to convey your feelings without attacking or blaming others.
Problem-solving
Instead of dwelling on the anger, focus on finding constructive solutions to the underlying issues.
Seek support
Discussing your anger with a trusted friend, family member, or professional can provide perspective and guidance.
How can counselling support anger?
It's important to note that while anger is a normal emotion, uncontrolled or excessive anger can negatively affect your well-being, relationships, and overall quality of life. If you find it challenging to control your anger or negatively impact your life, seeking support from a counsellor can be beneficial.
Counselling can help you recognise your triggers and what might set you off for showing anger. Learning how to manage these can improve your mental health, your relationships and lead to a better quality of life. So, what is it that your anger is trying to tell you?
If you're ready to explore it further, let's connect over a consultation session here, or email me at arulacounselling@proton.me. I look forward to hearing from you.
Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes only. If you are suffering from severe trauma, live in an abusive household or are in danger, call 112 or your country's crisis line, where professional mental health workers can offer you appropriate support.
Building Resilience
How can you build resilience to cope with the difficulties that life throws at you?
How can you build resilience in your life to cope with the difficulties that life throws at you? You may want to run away in these moments to hide from conflict or anything else that requires your attention. During the current climate crisis, the war and rising cost of living make finding peace in and around all of us even more complex. How do you stay grounded during these times to protect yourself from hardships and move through life?
What is resilience?
Resilience is surviving and thriving from stressful experiences while building defensive skills to manage future difficulties. It is about successfully adapting to complex or challenging life experiences and finding ways to rely on your resources. However, building resilience requires a skill set you can work on and grow over time. Let's look at what these might look like.
Dissociation from difficult feelings
When you confidently face difficult emotions instead of shutting them down, you can integrate your thoughts and feelings and make sense of them. Nonetheless, because it is difficult and uncomfortable to sit with painful feelings, you may try to get further away from them. This leads to dissociation from your emotions. You may start to numb yourself with alcohol, food, other substances, or social media, creating a distance between your mind and body. Additionally, this builds a loop of endless distractions rather than having to focus on your inner feelings. It may also be by avoiding conflict and expressing how you really feel. This can be extremely difficult, but when getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, that's where growth lies.
How to build resilience?
When leaning into the feeling of discomfort, you may notice that there is emotional and intellectual movement. Slowing down, focusing on your breath, seeing what comes up and being curious. Below are some of the ways you can start to build resilience during difficult times.
1. Self-awareness
Self-awareness is about being aware of your thoughts, emotions and feelings. It is about noticing the way you behave or react to something. To begin seeing your reactions, think about why you might've reacted the way you did? Were you actually feeling hurt, rejected or abandoned? You can then think about what you really need. It may be that something needs to change in your life that is not making you feel fulfilled. Maybe you need some more time to focus on yourself and your needs. We all need to look after ourselves first before helping others. You may turn to your community and be open and vulnerable about your needs, even though this may be the hardest thing to do.
Ask yourself:
How is my relationship with myself?
Do I show kindness and respect towards myself?
Am I able to regulate my emotions?
Am I able to speak about my needs?
When you open yourself up to the possibility of showing your deeper feelings, people can start to understand you better and offer help and guidance where needed.
2. Nurturing relationships
How are your current relationships with others? Do you feel supported and connected to them? In relationships, we feel more empowered and worthy when developing more prosperous and meaningful relationships. To care for others and be cared for. Nurturing relationships takes time and commitment. When you engage in secure relationships, it enhances your intellectual development, sense of worth, sense of competence, empowerment, and sense of connection. However, sometimes making and keeping relationships is complex, and you may not know why that is. Together with me, we can start to unpack your relationship patterns by creating a trusting and safe therapeutic relationship. These learnings can then be transferred from sessions to your relationships outside therapy. A sense of trust will always be at the centre of relationships.
3. Relationship with your external environment
Do you feel comfortable, safe and at ease in your surroundings? If not, what makes you feel uncomfortable? How do you express yourself if you live in a city different from where you grew up? What led you to live in another town? Having a solid support network with people who value you for who you are can significantly impact how you see yourself and move through life. Living in a city with lots of noise and busyness, we may start to feel disconnected, burnt out and drained. Notice your environment. If it doesn't make you feel good, what can you do to make yourself more at ease? Going to nature and taking long walks? Perhaps you need to change your living situation to make you feel better? Take it one step at a time, and don't rush the process.
4. Trust
Sometimes, it is frustrating to sit with our feelings and emotions. Trusting that this will create the change or transformation you are trying hard to see or reach. A movement starts happening when leaning into it, allowing yourself to feel your feelings and sit with the discomfort without thinking of the outcome. Letting go of control, change begins to occur in your body and mind.
Questions to ask yourself:
Am I getting enough sleep?
Am I going outside?
Do I eat healthy meals?
Do I numb myself with food or alcohol?
How much time do I spend on social media?
Am I kind to myself?
If I have people close to me, do I try to connect with them?
Do I ask for what I need?
Resilience in therapy
In therapy, growing resilience might mean coming to the sessions when you feel your lowest. Still showing up when you don't want to and feel like there is no point in coming to therapy. You take accountability for yourself when you show up weekly, creating strength. Learning from your patterns and behaviours and creating awareness. This allows you to make changes, be aware of your thoughts and emotions and not fall into the same ways that might feel familiar.
Therapy facilitates emotional catharsis and empowerment. It connects to others and strengthens concepts of the inner self, addressing trauma and creating hope for the future. Bringing these complicated feelings to the space allows us to work through them, developing resilience. It will enable us to manage these emotions in the longer run, where we adapt more quickly. It gives us trust that these feelings will pass and that we can move forward in life. However, resilience requires work and commitment and doesn't happen overnight.
Building resilience together
Having mental health strength doesn't mean that you have to be alone in it. It is okay to ask for help and to talk to someone you trust. Everyone is different and requires different care, and reconnection with yourself takes time. Allow yourself to heal and give it time. This can be through noticing our feelings and physical symptoms in our bodies. Leaning into these feelings through play, awareness, connection and taking care of yourself first. There is always a way out, even if you don't feel it right now.
I am an English-speaking therapist in Berlin, offering online and in-person counselling. You can reach me here or email me at arulacounselling@proton.me. I look forward to connecting with you.
References
Fava, G. A., and Tomba, E. (2009). Increasing psychological well-being and resilience by psychotherapeutic methods. Journal of Personality, 77(6), 1903-1934.
Fonagy, P. and Campbell, C. (2017) Mentalising, attachment and epistemic trust: how psychotherapy can promote resilience. Research Department of Clinical, Educational and Health Psychology, University College London, London.
Scrine, E. (2021) The Limits of Resilience and the Need for Resistance: Articulating the Role of Music Therapy With Young People Within a Shifting Trauma Paradigm. Frontiers in Psychology, 12.
Using Music to Relieve Stress and Anxiety
In this article, we will explore active and receptive techniques on how to use music in relieving stress and anxiety.
What is anxiety?
Anxiety is a feeling of unease such as worry, fear, stress, restlessness, tension or overthinking. These are all healthy responses to stressful situations where your body releases cortisol (a stress hormone) to respond to them. When we feel threatened, cortisol is valuable in protecting us, creating a fight-flight-freeze reaction. Fight or flight prepare our bodies to fight against the threat or to escape the situation. Your breathing gets quicker; your heartbeat fastens; muscles tense — your body is ready to react quickly. In freeze response, we feel like there is no opportunity for us to escape, which numbs our feelings physically, emotionally and mentally.
Common types of anxiety disorders
People with anxiety disorders experience repeated episodes of these sudden feelings, which may lead to anxiety, disrupting daily tasks. There are many anxiety disorders, the most common ones being generalised anxiety disorder and social anxiety. Let's look at these below.
Generalised anxiety disorder
In generalised anxiety disorder, there is constant worry or fear that the person cannot control. You could have sleep difficulties, the tension in your muscles, restlessness, problems focusing, fatigue, or irritability.
Social anxiety
In social anxiety, you may feel anxious when having to be at the centre of attention, perform or socialise with others. Because of the intense feelings you feel around people, you may start to isolate yourself from these stressful situations to relieve your triggers. However, some performance and social anxiety are standard, which doesn't necessarily mean you have social anxiety.
Common symptoms of anxiety
Anxiety symptoms can range from:
having restless thoughts
difficulties falling asleep
thoughts of worry
overthinking
tension in muscles
shallow breathing
sweating
sense of unease
How can music help to relieve stress and anxiety?
Studies have shown that music can lower our cortisol levels, reducing stress and anxiety. Music connects us to ourselves, being aware of our emotions, and processing our feelings. When we start accepting our anxiety, leaning into it and letting go of control, we may begin to notice how the feeling is something to be curious about. Music addresses our cognitive, emotional and social needs. Below, I have listed some musical techniques to use when feeling overwhelmed and stressed. These can be used in your own time and adjusted to your needs.
Active music-making
In active music-making, we use instruments or our voices to create sounds and music in real-time. This involves active participation from your side and may be more exposing. Below, I have listed three active music-making techniques to relieve stress and anxiety.
Vocal breathing
We breathe at all times, but it is the quality of the breath that counts. Notice your breathing pattern – is it slow or fast? Is it surface level, or do you breathe deeply from your diaphragm? Once you are aware of your breath, begin to take deeper breaths, closing your eyes if this feels comfortable, placing one hand on your belly and one on your heart. Inhale from the nose, exhale through your mouth, relax your shoulders, placing both feet on the ground. As you exhale, let a sound out with your voice. It might feel uncomfortable initially but trust the process and be open to whatever happens. You are safe.
Songwriting
Think about something that you are struggling with at the moment. Is it a question that you are curious about? Are you delaying a task that you'd rather not complete? Maybe you're feeling confused and need some clarity. Write down anything that comes to mind. You then have a topic that you can use for your songwriting. Start picking out some words that capture your attention, creating a map of these and grouping lyrics together. You may add music to these. Writing down words that reflect your current state can help to create awareness of your emotions and process your feelings.
Playing an instrument
If you have an instrument at hand or anything else that makes a sound, you can start experimenting with them. These can be quiet on a guitar, or maybe you want to express your anger on the drums. Get familiar with what comes out. There is no need to think about it, but just leaning into the task and letting go of your thoughts can be a great way to release any stale emotions. Voice can be another one to experiment with and is accessible to most of us.
Music listening
Music listening is a passive form of using music to relieve stress and anxiety. This can be either listening to your favourite song or putting on a relaxing playlist that helps you ground yourself. Let's look at some of these techniques.
Putting on a song that reflects your current mood
How do you feel right now? Is there a song that you associate with your current mood? Does it have any lyrics? If so, what is the message of the song? This may be your favourite song you are listening to on repeat, or you might shuffle your playlist and see what comes up. Whatever it is, trust the process and notice the lyrics or the melody. Do they reflect your current state of mind? Is it the complete opposite? Is there perhaps a feeling that you've been avoiding? Listening to a song that reflects your mood can be a great way to gain awareness of your emotions.
A curated playlist to keep your mind calm and grounded
I have added here a list of songs that I have used in my sessions to help my clients calm their minds and stay grounded in the present moment. You can either sit down on your chair or lie down. Try to find a comfortable position that suits you. Close your eyes and put on the playlist. You can focus on one particular feeling, or let your mind wander. Don’t worry if you get distracted by your thoughts. Just notice it, let go of them and come back to the music, to your breath.
Creating a playlist
You can begin creating your own playlist that resonates with your identity and feelings. You can start by listening to songs that come up and see whether you feel a connection to them. Spotify also suggests songs that sound similar to the songs in your playlist. You may find certain themes coming up. Trust the process and note these songs down. Give them a listen in a comfortable space. Notice if these songs have lyrics or are they instrumental? Are they fast or slow? These playlists are unique to us and can help us find a connection to ourselves.
Do what makes you feel good
Start by picking one technique that feels most comfortable. Perhaps you find that breathing exercises work best for you? Maybe writing is your thing? You can try out some of them and then decide. What is important is that you are curious about your emotions and feelings and what comes up.
I am an English-speaking online counsellor in Berlin. You can contact me here or via email at arulacounselling@proton.me. I look forward to connecting with you.