How to Find the Right Therapist?

I have recently got many questions about how to find the right therapist, from friends to family members to clients. I have had these questions myself and have gone through the process several times. And it’s not easy. I have even felt like I’m online dating when trying to find a therapist - how can I possibly decide? What about the different approaches? Gestalt, integrative psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, counselling, music therapy? What do all these even mean? To help you find a therapist in Berlin, I have put together a list of five things to consider.

Consider your goals for therapy 

What are you looking to get from therapy? Are you struggling with a specific situation, looking to improve your well-being, or want to get to know yourself better? Often, we might want to get ‘well’ quick and opt for the short-term option. And it is scary to start therapy. However, finding the right therapist will take time if you are willing to work on yourself. It would be helpful to bring this up with your potential therapist and discuss what might or might not work for you.

Take time to find the right therapist 

It is essential to take your time when finding the right therapist. You don’t have to settle for the first one you meet. It may be helpful to prepare some questions to determine whether a therapist is a right fit for you. You may try out a couple of different therapists. Think of them as job interviews where you can decide who you want to work with.

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Arula Counselling integrates creative, psychodynamic, mindfulness and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) approaches with a focus on neuro-affirming and trauma-informed care. 

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Feeling comfortable during your therapy session

Feeling comfortable in a session is important. How do you feel when you are with your therapist? Be aware of your feelings. Do you feel a sense of ease? Are you uncomfortable and anxious? Notice what comes up for you, but be aware that feeling uncomfortable is an inevitable part of therapy, and it is normal to feel that way.

Building a connection with your therapist

Building a good connection is an essential part of therapy. If you settle for a therapist you don’t like, the treatment may not be as valuable as it could’ve been. Do you feel safe and listened to? Is it a non-judgmental space where you can be open?

Finding the right type of therapy

Every therapist is different. We all come with different experiences and different ways we relate to clients. We are human after all. A good therapist will be willing to discuss with you if the therapy is not the right fit, and if some other types of therapy may be better for you. You may even discuss whether you would benefit from a different approach. Talk to your therapist about it - they may be able to refer you to someone else and have connections. Be open to discussion. I encourage you to communicate your feelings to your therapist as soon as possible, as it leads to deeper exploration and a better healing journey.

How can therapy help me? 

Once you find a therapist that feels right for you, you can start working on creating trust. They will be there for you to hear you out, model healthy boundaries, and encourage talking about topics that you haven’t been able to talk about before. You can start getting to know yourself. The therapist will be the mirror and a reflection of yourself. However, the process will not be easy, and there may be times you don’t want to go to therapy. You may feel like stopping altogether. It takes courage to reach out for support and keep going. 

I offer online and in-person counselling and music therapy in English and Estonian in Berlin. I look forward to connecting with you.

How Many Therapy Sessions Do I Need?

This article explores why you may come to treatment, the therapy process and the road to recovery. We discuss what to think about when considering the number of therapy sessions you’d need. Let’s dive in. 

What brings you to therapy?

Think about what brings you to therapy and what you need help with. During an initial consultation call, a therapist offers you a safe and non-judgmental space to explore what led you to contact them in the first place. The therapist will help you gain clarity and think about the support you may need. Think about: 

• is it a specific issue you would like to solve?

• has there been something on your mind for a while, and you feel like you need to talk to someone?

Whatever it is, being open with your therapist during the consultation call can help you find the direction you need. Equally, the therapist helps to think about whether you need short-term (6-12 sessions) or long-term therapy. Usually, the first four sessions help determine whether you’d be a match and whether a particular type of therapy fits your needs.

The road to recovery 

Therapy is not a linear process. It can be up and down, back and forth. You can feel energised and like you’ve made a lot of progress on some days. On others, you may be feeling anxious and overwhelmed, a sense of having lost direction. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you have fallen behind on your progress or that the steps you have taken are suddenly lost. You don’t need to fix your emotions. Instead, it’s about feeling them and letting go of them. It is part of the process. What matters is that you show up to the sessions and you show up for yourself. You don’t need to have it all figured out. We can figure it out together. 

Setting goals for therapy

With your therapist, you can set goals for therapy and assess these throughout the process. You may have come to treatment with one particular issue or question. However, during the process, it may be that something else has come up that you’d need to process and dive deeper. However, having goals in mind can help you keep track of your process. You can always come back to them and reflect on these during the sessions, where necessary. 

Checking in with your therapist

Your goals can change throughout the therapy process. If you feel like you have accomplished your initial goals or lack direction, check in with your therapist. It is a collaborative partnership, and your therapist is open to feedback. We are human, too, and we don’t always know whether what we focus on in the session is your most pressing issue. Giving feedback is important, helps to track progress, and strengthens the relationship between you two.

How do I know I’ve made progress?

We will inevitably face life problems, but we don’t suffer because of them. We suffer when we get stuck on the same problem repeatedly. Here are some of the ways progress can show up: 

• improvement in your relationships

• a change in your thought patterns

• change in dealing with challenges

• being more open in communication

• practising self-compassion

• saying no

• taking time for yourself

• nourishing your body

• scheduling in exercise

• asking for help

Ending therapy

You and your therapist may talk about ending therapy when you both feel like sufficient growth has happened. You feel more content in your daily life and can manage difficulties better. You can apply what you’ve learnt in therapy to life outside the sessions. You can then set an end date and work towards it together. You can also start seeing your therapist fortnightly to reduce the support you need and eventually end therapy.

However, ending therapy doesn’t mean that you can’t contact your therapist again. We will always be happy to offer you check-in sessions if you feel in need. Equally, it doesn’t mean that you haven’t grown, but it is about giving and allowing space and time for yourself and check-in in with yourself from time to time. 

How many therapy sessions do I need? 

Therefore, the length of therapy depends on many factors. It is about the process rather than finding a quick fix or solution to your problem, understanding yourself and giving yourself time to look deeper.

I am an English-speaking therapist in Berlin, offering online and in-person counselling. Contact me to schedule a consultation call if you are considering starting therapy. If you have more questions about treatment and the length of therapy, I look forward to hearing from you.  

Please note: This is for educational purposes only and is not to substitute a therapeutic relationship with a mental health professional. If you are in a mental health crisis, please call 112 or your country's crisis line, where professional mental health workers can help you.

Building Resilience

How can you build resilience in your life to cope with the difficulties that life throws at you? You may want to run away in these moments to hide from conflict or anything else that requires your attention. During the current climate crisis, the war and rising cost of living make finding peace in and around all of us even more complex. How do you stay grounded during these times to protect yourself from hardships and move through life? 

What is resilience?

Resilience is surviving and thriving from stressful experiences while building defensive skills to manage future difficulties. It is about successfully adapting to complex or challenging life experiences and finding ways to rely on your resources. However, building resilience requires a skill set you can work on and grow over time. Let's look at what these might look like. 

Dissociation from difficult feelings

When you confidently face difficult emotions instead of shutting them down, you can integrate your thoughts and feelings and make sense of them. Nonetheless, because it is difficult and uncomfortable to sit with painful feelings, you may try to get further away from them. This leads to dissociation from your emotions. You may start to numb yourself with alcohol, food, other substances, or social media, creating a distance between your mind and body. Additionally, this builds a loop of endless distractions rather than having to focus on your inner feelings. It may also be by avoiding conflict and expressing how you really feel. This can be extremely difficult, but when getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, that's where growth lies. 

How to build resilience?

When leaning into the feeling of discomfort, you may notice that there is emotional and intellectual movement. Slowing down, focusing on your breath, seeing what comes up and being curious. Below are some of the ways you can start to build resilience during difficult times. 

1. Self-awareness

Self-awareness is about being aware of your thoughts, emotions and feelings. It is about noticing the way you behave or react to something. To begin seeing your reactions, think about why you might've reacted the way you did? Were you actually feeling hurt, rejected or abandoned? You can then think about what you really need. It may be that something needs to change in your life that is not making you feel fulfilled. Maybe you need some more time to focus on yourself and your needs. We all need to look after ourselves first before helping others. You may turn to your community and be open and vulnerable about your needs, even though this may be the hardest thing to do. 

Ask yourself: 

• How is my relationship with myself?

• Do I show kindness and respect towards myself?

• Am I able to regulate my emotions?

• Am I able to speak about my needs?

When you open yourself up to the possibility of showing your deeper feelings, people can start to understand you better and offer help and guidance where needed. 

2. Nurturing relationships

How are your current relationships with others? Do you feel supported and connected to them? In relationships, we feel more empowered and worthy when developing more prosperous and meaningful relationships. To care for others and be cared for. Nurturing relationships takes time and commitment. When you engage in secure relationships, it enhances your intellectual development, sense of worth, sense of competence, empowerment, and sense of connection. However, sometimes making and keeping relationships is complex, and you may not know why that is. Together with me, we can start to unpack your relationship patterns by creating a trusting and safe therapeutic relationship. These learnings can then be transferred from sessions to your relationships outside therapy. A sense of trust will always be at the centre of relationships. 

3. Relationship with your external environment

Do you feel comfortable, safe and at ease in your surroundings? If not, what makes you feel uncomfortable? How do you express yourself if you live in a city different from where you grew up? What led you to live in another town? Having a solid support network with people who value you for who you are can significantly impact how you see yourself and move through life. Living in a city with lots of noise and busyness, we may start to feel disconnected, burnt out and drained. Notice your environment. If it doesn't make you feel good, what can you do to make yourself more at ease? Going to nature and taking long walks? Perhaps you need to change your living situation to make you feel better? Take it one step at a time, and don't rush the process.

4. Trust

Sometimes, it is frustrating to sit with our feelings and emotions. Trusting that this will create the change or transformation you are trying hard to see or reach. A movement starts happening when leaning into it, allowing yourself to feel your feelings and sit with the discomfort without thinking of the outcome. Letting go of control, change begins to occur in your body and mind. 

Questions to ask yourself: 

• Am I getting enough sleep?

• Am I going outside?

• Do I eat healthy meals?

• Do I numb myself with food or alcohol?

• How much time do I spend on social media?

• Am I kind to myself?

• If I have people close to me, do I try to connect with them?

• Do I ask for what I need?

Resilience in therapy

In therapy, growing resilience might mean coming to the sessions when you feel your lowest. Still showing up when you don't want to and feel like there is no point in coming to therapy. You take accountability for yourself when you show up weekly, creating strength. Learning from your patterns and behaviours and creating awareness. This allows you to make changes, be aware of your thoughts and emotions and not fall into the same ways that might feel familiar.

Therapy facilitates emotional catharsis and empowerment. It connects to others and strengthens concepts of the inner self, addressing trauma and creating hope for the future. Bringing these complicated feelings to the space allows us to work through them, developing resilience. It will enable us to manage these emotions in the longer run, where we adapt more quickly. It gives us trust that these feelings will pass and that we can move forward in life. However, resilience requires work and commitment and doesn't happen overnight. 

Building resilience together

Having mental health strength doesn't mean that you have to be alone in it. It is okay to ask for help and to talk to someone you trust. Everyone is different and requires different care, and reconnection with yourself takes time. Allow yourself to heal and give it time. This can be through noticing our feelings and physical symptoms in our bodies. Leaning into these feelings through play, awareness, connection and taking care of yourself first. There is always a way out, even if you don't feel it right now.

I am an English-speaking therapist in Berlin, offering online and in-person counselling. You can reach me here or email me at arulacounselling@proton.me. I look forward to connecting with you.

References

Fava, G. A., and Tomba, E. (2009). Increasing psychological well-being and resilience by psychotherapeutic methods. Journal of Personality, 77(6), 1903-1934.

Fonagy, P. and Campbell, C. (2017) Mentalising, attachment and epistemic trust: how psychotherapy can promote resilience. Research Department of Clinical, Educational and Health Psychology, University College London, London. 

Scrine, E. (2021) The Limits of Resilience and the Need for Resistance: Articulating the Role of Music Therapy With Young People Within a Shifting Trauma Paradigm. Frontiers in Psychology, 12.